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Slab of Granite Wins New Hampshire Primary
The people of New Hampshire are a stubborn lot, steeped in good old New England practicality and common sense. Staying true to their character, yesterday these hearty individuals refused to follow any parade but one led by a different drummer on a horse of a different color. In a defiantly independent move demonstrating a people…
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Gigundo Upset In Iowa!
In the nonhuman Iowa presidential caucuses held yesterday, pundits had it down to the wire with a three horse race, none of which were horses. IBM’s Watson computer, precious puppy, Santy Paws, and lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles were the contenders– but all were shocked in a huge upset of write-in candidate, Fritos. “Today, Iowans sent…
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Watson Missteps In Iowa
Super duper IBM computer, Watson, the all time champ in playing Jeopardy may have put his presidential hopes in jeapody with some unfortunate boners he recently pulled in Iowa. In a speech in Ames, the computer said, “We all must pay respects for our great and benevolent leader supreme, Kim Jong Il. Never has any…
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Iowa Vote Grab
With the Iowa caucuses only days away, the nonhuman candidates running for president are bowing and scraping for support across “The State Named ‘Iowa’ State.” Super computer Watson has proclaimed “Iowans are the smartest people on Earth, so naturally they will vote for me because I am the only candidate who has a program to…
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Watson Jumps to Lead in Iowa
Watson proclaimed that “Iowa is the best four-lettered state in the nation in which three of the letters are vowels. And I mean that from the bottom of my motherboard.” People in Ohio were upset at this statement and registered their complaints.
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Watson Enters Race
” I don’t see any human or nonhuman candidates who can challenge his enormous intellect. He would be the first computer president since the Chester A. Arthur robot served from 1881-1885. While the Arthuratron 6000 had a serviceable intellect, Watson is far, far superior. However, I must say that the Chester A. Arthur robot was…