From time to time, the staff here at The Lint Screen gets lazy and allows someone else’s work to take center stage.
Here is a spot that could put goosebumps on a goose. A little bit of encouragement to us all: to create, to dare, to dream, to do.
In short, not to be lazy. Enjoy.
The war is won. Done and doner! Cue the ticker-tape parade.
After a bombing run late last week, the Man in The Moon has officially surrendered to its overlord, Planet Earth.
The Moon was surprised and shocked to discover that the United States of America’s NASA orchestrated the bombing mission.
“The same morning I get bombed, I hear that President Obama wins The Nobel Peace Prize. WTF?! Where’s the justice in your world anyway? He bombs me and gets a Peace Prize? I don’t get you people at all, man.”
Now that we own The Moon, who’s up for colonizing? C’mon, people!
For years I have been proposing a full assault on The Moon. Every night it sits there smugly in the sky, taunting us with its pristine lunar arrogance and orbital confidence. This morning we finally did the deed.
We’ve allegedly stepped on it, littered it, planted flags on it, lost golf balls on it, even had cows jump over it–– now we’ve shown that stupid satellite (it’s not even a planet!) who’s boss.
Whatever. The job was done and we’ve bombed that baby but good. Maybe now we won’t be seeing so many werewolves and vampires.
Keep them nukes on watch and pointed up, though– The Moon may attack back. That lousy sneaky orb.
Ringo Starr has been ‘Best-ed’ out of The Beatles.
Ringo (real name “Rin Go Starkey”) replaced Pete Best as drummer of The Beatles in 1962, and for the next eight years was the backbeat of the most famous rock band in history.
On September 9, the popular video game Rock Band introduced a version for songs of The Beatles. It was an instant bestseller.
“It was awesome,” said an ecstatic Mungerton, “I mean I miss my human mom, dad, sis and girlfriend a lot– but being in The Beatles is worth it. Yeah, I love those flesh people and everything, but I mean come on, we’re talking The Beatles here!”
A dispondent Ringo avatar guzzled his third 40 of Olde English 800 and was somberly reflective. “It was a good run while it lasted,” he said, “I’ll miss me mates, but I guess I’m no Jerry Mungerton so it’s understandable they’ve moved on without me.”
With that, the ex-drummer guzzled his high octane 40 and hurled the empty bottle against a brick wall, and broke down sobbing. “Me life’s a bloody shambles,” he cried.
Meanwhile, somewhere a wolf howled, a tumbleweed tumbled and a kitten yawned.
I recently came across this shocking photo and want to alert fellow humans of the impending danger sure to destroy our fragile society. 
Are they tired of being a few rungs down on the evolutionary ladder? Perhaps. Do they resent our putting their relatives behind bars and on display in zoos? Probably. Do they want revenge for Tim Burton’s weak remake of “Planet of The Apes”? Certainly. Whatever their reasons, these monkeys mean business– DEADLY MONKEY BUSINESS!!!
To avert catastrophe, I suggest we take preemptive action and become nudists. Gather your clothes, take them to the nearest zoo and present them to our soon-to-be monkey masters. If dressed, it will be more difficult for them to fling poo at us, and we will have won the war.
I’m stripping now– who’s with me? Anybody? Hello…
The internet was created over 20 years ago, providing a canvas for millions of websites and billions of pages. In its history, there was one thing you could always count on with 100% certainty– absolute truth and accuracy.
That may no longer be the case!
Sir Reginald Highphatt, a British scientist, recently made a startling discovery: a fact that was in fact not a fact. “I was chagrined,” said the esteemed learned man, “I was simply astounded and, dare I say, flabbergasted to discover an inaccuracy.”
What was the falsehood? An alleged playlist from Sir Winston Churchill’s iPod.
And so, Sir Highphatt began some extensive research and discovered a few startling things:
1. Churchill died before the invention of the iPod
2. See above
3. Ditto
“As much as it pains me to say,” the downcast scientist said, “I’m afraid we will no longer have 100% assurance that everything you read on the internet is the God’s honest truth and beyond reproach. Pity, that. I use it as research tool for all my papers and books.”
Be aware: some things on the internet may not be true!
Yipes!