The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.

Tag: Donald Trump

  • Goodbye, Cruel World!

    Gone Rapturin'. Wish you were here!
    At 6 P.M. Eastern Standard Time today, the Rapture will arrive. Those of us who have led a good life of righteousness and obedience to Harold Camping will be whisked up to Heaven for our eternal rewards, while the rest of you are left behind and subjected to five months of God’s pranks–– earthquakes, hurricanes, tornados, aggressive life insurance salespeople, Donald Trump, poo-flinging monkeys and what have you.

    Talk about your haves and have nots.

    While I feel sorry for the rest of you suckers, I have to say I’ve enjoyed your company here on earth. It’s too bad you were evil sinners and didn’t make the upgrade list.

    I’ll be getting out while the getting’s good, and I’m hoping there will be no TSA in the after-gig because I don’t relish the idea of my fake hips setting off the alarms and having some saint or angel give me a pat-down. Although an angel pat-down might be a ticklish and enjoyable experience.

    In closing, I want to thank all the faithful Lint Screen readers for their literacy and patronage in making this blog one of the most popular on earth containing the words “Lint”, “Screen” and “The.” If you make the list for eternal salvation during Rapture, I’ll buy you a drink. If you don’t, I’ll wish you the best in lawyering-up and getting good representation for Judgement Day.

    Ciao, babe!

  • Trump Demands Obama Show His Belly Button

    The greatest president ever? Did you have to even ask?

    Now that the “long version” of President Barack Obama’s birth certificate has been made public, celebrity head o’ hair Donald Trump is demanding new proof of Obama’s citizenship.

    Citizenship in the human race!

    The Donald is now claiming that the President may not be a human being, he may be an alien from another planet!

    “Look,” Trump told reporters while breaking ripe cantelopes with a polo mallet, “I’m an incredibly successful, charismatic natural born leader. Certainly the most intelligent human ever conceived. People want me to be President. I get that– they’d be nuts not to want me. Now Obama, he’s the leader of the free world–– why won’t he go on air and bare his belly for all the world to see that he was born of woman. I mean, come on, what’s he trying to hide? His showing his belly button would give some proof that he’s not an alien sent here to destroy civilization and eat our children, kill our seniors and bankrupt our society. What’s he trying to hide, anyway? Mr. President, just lift your shirt, bare the button and be done with it.”

    “I’d make a great President,” Trump said. “The best ever. Lincoln’d be crap compared to me.”