For those parents cruel enough to subject their children to the speech made by President Barack Obama in schools today, you’d better start a shrink trust fund. The damage is done!Hope you’re happy, Mr. President! You’ve ruined millions!
“My kid’s upstairs now crying his little eyeballs out,” reported an upset father in Texas. “He came home and said that mean ol’ president said that he had to study hard and that education was real important to get ahead in life. My boy got his little heart busted into a million tiny pieces by Obama’s talk! I wished we’d of home schooled the boy instead of sending him to that no good school, I surely do. I could teach him his gozintas. Two gozinta four twice times. See that? Teaching’s easy as pie. ”
A third grader in Alabama had this to say following the speech: “The president said we got to respect our parents and teachers and grown ups and I don’t need him giving me sassmouth and telling me what to do!”
A sixth grader in Pennsylvania was outraged by what he heard. “Who does this guy think he is, anyway? If I don’t like homework, I ain’t going to do it just ’cause he says so. Who died and made him God?”
A fourth grade girl in Florida said, “Obama kept talking about working hard to be successful but I don’t like working. And he didn’t say anything about getting more allowance if I did work hard. What a gyp! He’s trying to trick us.”
Finally, a seven grade boy in Georgia said, “I kept telling the teacher to change the channel to ESPN, but she wouldn’t. And my stupid parents wonder why I hate school so much.”
What will become of this lost generation? Only time and their psychiatrists will tell.
Many parents are outraged that President Barack Obama will soon be speaking directly to their children at schools via a “magic picture box” called TV.
Some parents are so upset, they are keeping their children out of school to avoid the political nature of Obama’s speech. Who could blame them?!Quick– duck, cover, hide, children! It’s The President!
The White House recently shared an advance copy of the speech in hopes of quieting angry parents. Fat chance! Listen to some of the outrageous things Obama will be telling our children:
“… get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV, or with that Xbox.” WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? THIS IS AMERICA, IF MY KIDS WANT TO WATCH TV OR PLAY XBOX INSTEAD OF DOING HOMEWORK, THAT’S THEIR RIGHT. IT SAYS SO IN THE CONSTITUTION!
Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. HEY, WHAT AM I PAYING TAXES FOR? WHY SHOULD MY KIDS HAVE TO DISCOVER WHAT THEY’RE GOOD AT? AND WHO DOES OBAMA THINK HE IS ASKING MY KIDS TO WORK? DOES MY TAX MONEY PAY THEIR ALLOWANCES?! I DON’T THINK SO.
“And no matter what you want to do with your life– I guarantee you’ll need an education to do it.” OH YEAH? WHAT IF MY KIDS WIN THE LOTTERY? THAT DON’T TAKE NO BOOK LEARNIN’… AND THEY MIGHT JUST DO IT, CAUSE IT’S THEIR RIGHT… SAYS SO IN THE CONSTITUTION!
“We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems.” OUR FOREFATHERS DIDN’T DIE TO MAKE OUR KIDS SOLVE DIFFICULT PROBLEMS. THEY SOLVED THEM AND PUT THE ANSWERS IN THE CONSTITUTION SO OUR KIDS COULD WATCH TV AND PLAX XBOX INSTEAD OF HURTING THEIR HEADS THINKING.
My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at time to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things other kids had. HEY, DUDE, YOU’RE BUMMING MY KIDS OUT! LIGHTEN UP, BUDDY!
“… I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.” WHERE’S HE GET OFF TELLING MY KIDS TO WASH THEIR HANDS?! TELL THE GOVERNMENT TO KEEP THEIR GRUBBY SOCIALISTIC MITTS OFF MY KIDS’ SANITARY HABITS. AND IF THEY GO TO SCHOOL SICK AND SOME OTHER KID GETS THE FLU, TOUGH LUCK. THAT’S THE DEMOCRACY OF GERMS AND THEY ARE PROTECTED UNDER THE CONSTITUTION.
“If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.” IF MY KIDS ARE STUPID, THAT’S NONE OF THE LIBERAL GOVERNMENT’S BEE’S WAX. IF THEY DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME STUDYING, SO WHAT– XBOX IS MORE FUN AND THAT’S THEIR CHOICE! MAYBE THE GOVERNMENT SHOULDN’T GIVE BAD GRADES IN THE FIRST PLACE. I THINK IT SAYS IN THE CONSTITUTION THAT ALL AMERICANS ARE STRAIGHT-A STUDENTS!!!
“Don’t be afraid to ask help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.” NOW THAT JUST PUTS A CHERRY ON IT! IF MY KIDS DON’T KNOW SOMETHING THEY SHOULD JUST ACT LIKE THEY DO… AND HOW DID WE EVEN ELECT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESN’T KNOW EVERYTHING? HE’S SUPPOSED TO. SAYS SO IN THE CONSTITUTION.
“I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down– don’t let your family or your country or yourself down.” IF MY KIDS WANT TO SERVE HEAPING DISHES OF DISAPPOINTMENT, THAT’S THEIR BUSINESS. THEY DON’T HAVE TO TRY JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO, MR. SUIT-WEARING-LIVING-IN-A-BIG-WHITE-HOUSE GUY. QUIT PUTTING SO MUCH PRESSURE ON MY KIDS– IT’LL PLAY MIND GAMES ON THEM WHEN THEY’RE PLAYING XBOX!!!
Have you heard the scuttlebutt about this ad created by DDB Brasil allegedly for the Worldwide Wildlife Federation?It’s amazing what some people will do to win awards.
The clever agency created this shocking image of many planes targeting the NYC skyline and married the following inane copy to complete the picture: “The tsunami killed 100 times more people than 9/11. The planet is brutally powerful. Respect it. Preserve it. www.wwf.org” All anchored by the cute panda bear WWF logo. Awww, I just wanna cuddle with it!
Now get a load of this: the WWF never approved the ad, yet it somehow ran once in a small newspaper making it eligible for entry in award shows, then it “accidentally” was entered in The One Show where it won a merit award. Yee-haw!
Oh, and oops, a little video was made of the same concept and entered in Cannes, where fortunately it was little noticed or awarded.
This is exactly the kind of crap that makes our industry a joke to legitimate businesses and why clients happily pay outside consultants and question every invoice we deliver. It’s not just the chasing of awards, but it’s doing it with lame in-your-face concepts with loopy logic. “The planet is brutally powerful”— curse you Mother Earth, you and your untimely earthquakes underwater! I will respect you! I will preserve you!
It’s an asinine ad. The video is even worse since it brings the bad taste comparison to inglorious low budget life.
If there is any justice, this agency will suffer for their boneheaded grab at a little glory, business will leave and bodies will fall.
The planet will smugly giggle. She’s brutally powerful that way.
Recently, I toured the infamous Alcatraz prison facility in the San Francisco bay. This federal penitentiary went by many nicknames: “The Rock”, “The Really Large Pebble”, “Scamp Camp”, and “Motel 6/San Francisco.” Picture of The Birdman’s famous escape from Alcatraz.
It was where “the worst of the worst” served the hardest of times. Al Capone, ‘Machine Gun’ Kelley, ‘Stabby’ McIntree, ‘Spit on Sidewalks’ Punlips– they all attended this Bad Boy U.
I walked into a cell in cellblock D and saw a small hole in the wall between the cot and the toilet. I caught a glimpse of yellow paper and reached in. It was some handwritten notes, memoirs of an unknown prisoner about his Alcatraz experience. I quickly tucked the papers into my pocket since extracting anything from a national park is probably illegal (that didn’t stop me from swiping a sequoia from Muir Woods). I reprint the entire content of the yellow pages here to expose the horrors of life in Alcatraz prison.
“April 3. Cold day. Last night I nearly froze to death. Requested an extra down comforter but the lousy guard refused. Gave me a heavy cotton blanket instead. Refused to tuck me in or tell a story. The sheets on this cot are like sandpaper. Thread count is 300–or less. No down pillow, either. How do they expect people to live like this?”
“April 12. Had a visit from the ol’ ball and chain with my kids. Bobbie’s growing like a weed. Pam’s almost tall as her mother (Alice is so competitive, she’s taken to standing on tippy toes). They were going to visit Coit Tower that afternoon. I asked the guard if I could join them– I’d come right back. I pinky promised, too. Guard said, ‘No.’ What a cruel bastard!”
“May 1. Sick of ‘The Birdman’– all he does is beg for bread then crap all over the place.”
“May 22. I swear I can’t take this place much longer. This morning, I ordered a Denver omelette with egg whites only. No dice. The stupid chef used whole eggs– yolks and all! My butt’s starting to look huge in my prison pants. It’s impossible to diet in here and these get-ups are hardly flattering. That does it, I’m letting myself go…”
“May 23. Chef has it in for me. Last night, I ordered my ribeye steak medium rare. I got it well done. The watercress in my salad was wilted and the candied walnuts were stale. My potatoes lyonnaise had a heavy peppering and the wine was pedestrian, at best. At least the cherries jubiliee were acceptable. How’s a guy supposed to live on this garbage?!”
“May 24. Enough! The dining situation here is unacceptable! For last evening’s service, the linen tablecloths were as yellow as a dog’s teeth. The candles were nubs. AND– I still can’t believe this– there were no crab forks for our shellfish– we had to use our salad forks!!! How much longer can I endure this living hell?!!”
A decorator’s nightmare!“May 25. Tired of this cell. It feels so confining. Asked guard if I could decorate– maybe paint it a lighter color, add some fabric curtains, some throw pillows, object d’Arts, maybe a little fountain. He said it was against regulations. The uncouth commoner!”
“May 29. Bennie and Hank are planning an escape. Said they are going to build a tunnel from under their cell all the way to center field at Wrigley. They are idiots. Center field is way too exposed.”
“June 2. Bidet broken–AGAIN! If the water’s not too cold, it’s scalding. Now it’s busted all together. This place is hell with bad plumbing.”
“June 4. Got a manicure and pedicure today but my cuticles still look atrocious. Am starting to think the warden has it in for me.”
“June 8. Was an incident in the showers today. Manny ran out of conditioner and asked the guard for some. The guard said his hair looked fine– said it had good volume, a saucy bounce to it and appeared quite manageable. Manny’s been pouting ever since. He knows his hair is thin and requires body enhancement– he NEEDS conditioner. I swear these guards are sadists., to tell a man he has good hair when he himself knows he does not is absolutely criminal!”
“June 14. Asked guard if I could take a vacation– need a nice break and want to go to New York, catch some shows, try some new restaurants. Guard said he’d check with the warden. Got my fingers crossed…”
“June 15. Warden said NO to NYC trip! Unbelievable. Apparently it would kill them to let me take a little vacation. Can’t believe this joint. I swear, these people are so rigid it drives me nuts! I’m starting to think maybe I should join Bennie and Hank in their tunnel project…”
“June 18. Asked guard if I could get a pet for some companionship. What kind of pet, he asked. A pony, I said. He didn’t think it would be allowed. Now they apparently have a ‘no-pony-policy.’ Oh, the misery of this place…”
Julie & Julia meet Inglourious Basterds. One movie features Nazis, the other Beef Bourguignon. One has sadistic scenes, and to stay engaged with the other can be a sadistic challenge at times.
The movie falls flatter than a one egg souffle.I’d heard good things about Julie & Julia, and I always liked watching Julia Child on TV cooking some complex recipe mere mortals would never attempt. So, I walked into the theatre with great expectations. Exiting the theatre, my expectations were crushed like a one egg souffle. Julie & Julia didn’t deliver for me.
Yes, Meryl is phenomenal as Julia, but Meryl is always terrific and this performance is more impersonation than character creation. Stanley Tucci brings a nice performance as Julia’s hubby and Jane Lynch steals every scene as Julia’s sister. But, the story of making a French cookbook for English speaking people is hardly interesting and rarely entertaining.
NOW, gently fold that story in with another story about a frustrated writer who cooks the entire Child cookbook over a one year span and blogs about it, and well, you have an odd stew of a film.
Julie is played by Amy Adams, who is usually fun to watch. Her character here is an insecure narcissist in an apron. She’s married to a milquetoasty guy played by Chris Messina who is supportive but frustrated by the blogging project. Wah wah wah.
The movie written and directed by Nora Ephron, usually a gifted writer. The screenplay was based on two separate books, Julia’s memoirs from 1949 and Julie’s book of recent time recounting her blogging project. But just because the subject matter is common to both, the flavors do not belong together. This movie is like vanilla and vinegar. A disappointment, a bad taste. Pity.
Now let’s cleanse our palates with a sorbet of Basterds. Now look what QT’s got cooking this time around…
Like the Coen Brothers, Quentin Tarantino makes films you have to see for no other reason than to get his unique perspective on whatever the film’s about. This time it’s about Nazis and a history re-write with a band of Jewish American soldiers (Inglourious Basterds) giving the goosesteppers what-for behind enemy lines. Even ol’ Adolf gets his comeuppance.
Like any Tarantino film, the dialogue is terrific in developing memorable characters as plotlines intertwine like origami figures. Like any Tarantino film, there’s tension built to keep your eyes riveted to the screen, followed by hyper-violence that begs you to look away. Like any Tarantino film, it is a celebration of film genres, movie magic, cinematography and interesting camerawork.
Yes, it’s chatty at times, but with Tarantino dialogue you won’t mind. Brad Pitt is wonderful as the Tennessee Basterd leader, Lt. Aldo Raine. He lays on a southern accent thick as cold molasses on dog fur. The powerhouse performance comes from Austrian actor Christoph Waltz as Col. Hans Landa. Waltz may be shaking hands with Oscar for this gem.
While not Tarantino’s best film, the Basterds are worth spending some time with and will give you plenty of images to replay for a long time afterwards.
The economy’s ugly and it’s hurting a lot of people. Political pundits point fingers and flap their yaps endlessly about who is at fault. Not to worry, there’s plenty of blame to go around.
The little film does a brilliant job of explaining the entire sorted stew in just over 11 minutes. The staff of economists at The Lint Screen vouch that as far as we can tell it’s pretty spot-on about who did what, when, where, how and why.
Spend a little time and learn a lot. Let’s hear your reactions. Accurate? Bull? Fluff? And how do you feel about these same scumbuckets still getting paid bonuses out the wazoo? Sorry, that was neither fair nor balanced…
