The Obamacare server is having some technical difficulties.
Now that the budget battle and political bickering is over, Americans interested in enrolling in the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) have been frustrated by little technical glitches, like the website not working. The Obama administration has jumped on fixing the system.
“It’s kind of embarrassing,” said an anonymous White House insider. “We’ve been telling people that government can do great things like make healthcare affordable for all Americans, but then the government can’t build a website. Meanwhile, Amazon knows if you’re even thinking about buying something and gives you fourteen suggestions.”
So far, investigators are flummoxed as to what is causing the technical difficulties. “We’ve been consulting with the technical expert heading up website operations, a tech wiz named T. Ed Cruz, but so far he’s been unable to find the problem. He said it could be a simple fix like a Microsoft upgrade. He’s looking into buying one on Amazon.”
When Chrysler’s “Halftime in America” spot aired in the first halftime commercial break of XLVI Super Bowl on February 5, 2012, it became an instant classic. Wieden+Kennedy’s two-minute tone poem intoned by Clint Eastwood (Mr. Tough American himself) struck a nerve.
Over beautiful cinematography, Clint spoke of resigned hope and optimism for Detroit and the American car industry. Like the genius Hal Riney spots that launched the Saturn auto brand, this spot resonated because it was honest, confessed past sins, then asked absolution and forgiveness in setting a new path forward to making better American cars (“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned…”).
Terrific, powerful stuff. If only it were true. Saturn started with great expectations, then morphed into a generic GM brand and drifted into oblivion. Which leaves us with Chrysler and its promise.
I was recently involved in a car accident and had to get a rental while my car was in the shop. I was put in a Chrysler 200. I think if I put Clint Eastwood in one, he’d give it a short drive, park and fire a full load from his .44 Magnum Smith & Wesson into it.
The engineers had to work hard designing a car this uncomfortable (did Marquis de Sade design the seats?). This vehicle could be used for enhanced interrogations Gitmo.
Fortunately, the car had ants and that gave me a reason to return it for a Toyota Corolla, a small car that’s so far superior to the Chrysler, it’s depressing.
Everything about the Toyota is better than the Chrysler: the ride, comfort, ergonomics, sound system, mileage, fit and finish– you name it. Which sucks.
It sucks because I wanted to believe Clint Eastwood’s halftime speech about a rededication to building great cars. It sucks because I’m a proud American and would love to buy American if given a compelling choice. It sucks because an adman like myself wants to believe in great advertising and has his heart broken when beautiful work proves to be empty promises and wishful thinking.
Ford’s have gotten better, Chevy’s, too, but check out the competition, Detroit– it’s superior to what you’re making. Car reviews prove it, consumer stats confirm it.
Halftime is over, Chrysler. If you’re going to kick some ass, you’re going to have to have a better game plan, and I believe all Americans would cheer for you to come up with one.
An elderly Ohio couple on the lam fears for their lives
To their eight grandchildren, Ester and Roland Oylingter of Wooster, Ohio are known as “Nanna” and “Pa-Pop”, but the grandkiddies haven’t seen the elderly couple since Sunday. Why? Obamacare.
With the Affordable Care Act, AKA “Obamacare”, going into effect on Monday, October 1, the couple fled their home on Sunday and are traveling anonymously across the country.
“We’d been watching Fox news for years, and we knew that Obamacare was going to fund death squads to kill grandparents like us,” said Roland in an exclusive telephone interview (from an undisclosed location).
“We’re not idiots,” added his wife shouting in the background. “We’re not about to sit around and wait to be killed! No siree, bob!”
Mr. Oylingter said the couple are worried about more than just their own impending death. “Obamacare is going to ruin our country. It’s going to bust our economy and our grandchildren will be sold into slavery to pay off our debt to our Chinese overlords. It’s also going to cause millions of people to die needlessly because government doctors will be poisoning people to keep rates low so we can open our borders for illegal aliens and insure them. I think Obamacare even covers al Qaeda terrorists. It’s also going to cause earthquakes and hurricanes, then Satan will be coming here his ownself to get some insurance and then turn our big green planet into a blazing inferno of hellfire and liberalism. How do I Know all this? Because I watch Fox. I ain’t no dummy.”
Irate tea party members in Congress have shut down the government because they can’t get their way.
“We’re steaming mad about this Affordable Care Act,” said one upset congressman. “We don’t care if it is the law passed by the democratic system of government, it’s not what we want and we must save the American people from democracy.”
Another congressman said, “The problem is we’re spending money on the American people when we should be spending money on bombs and arming our military to invade foreign nations to plant the seeds of democracy, which are patented by Monsanto, so that foreigners can enjoy the sweet, sweet fruits of freedom and liberty. Look, if we waste money here at home, it screws everything up. If we have to wreck the U.S. economy to get our way, we’ll do it. We have to prove a point.”
Meanwhile, a cluster of congressman huddled together and fist-bumped one another. “The enemy is the American government, and we came here to prove it. We won, we won!”
Excited lobbyists made it rain $100 bills and resumed writing their laws in case the government ever get back to work again.
You’ve read about it in The New York Times, now catch the film critics are calling “Not as bad as I’d thought it would be” and “Better than a fist in the face or a dagger in the pancreas.”
Here it is, the sequel to “The Merger”, “The Merger (pt. 2)”
On a recent trip to St. Augustine, Florida, The Lint Screen unearthed an amazing discovery at the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum (believe it or not, that’s the name)–– lint art.
