When U.S. bill payers opened their monthly credit statement from China, they discovered that the Chinese had moved up their payment date and substantially raised their interest rate, just like U.S. banks have been doing to credit card holders for a long time.
“I can’t believe China would do this,” said Jason Burbbinger, head checkbook handler of the United States government. “China loaned us a bunch of money and we thought we had a good rate locked-up with an easy, convenient payment schedule. But now they’re getting all credit card company on our butts– arbitrarily moving up payment dates, jacking-up interest rates to nose bleed heights and acting like a violent bookie on a meth bender beating the vig out of a deadbeat. On top of everything else, they’re raising our credit limit. How are we supposed to resist that kind of temptation? I’m not saying we need financial reform for Americans– bank lobbyists would never allow that– but we certainly need financial reform for how other countries treat America. It just ain’t right, I tells ya, just ain’t right at all!”
With that Mr. Bubbinger began sobbing uncontrollably into a handkerchief, a handkerchief made in China.
4 responses to “China Gettin’ All Bankster On Rich Uncle”
Pat, this is a terrific post! I’m serious. Our national debt is terrifying, especially when so much of it is owned by China. What the hell would we do if they started demanding repayment?? Sell them San Francisco?
Thanks for the kind comments, Madame Z., but I’m afraid S.F. may be too small. We might have to offer L.A., Chicago or New York. If we do it fast, we might get a free set of knives!
You’re right. I chose S.F. in jest, because of China Town. Chicago would be much better. China would be so overwhelmed with trying to clean up the corruption and crime there, that they would probably just beg us to take it back and cancel the debt.
Brilliant idea. That does it, you’re in charge of China relations.