In a bold and decisive move, both the House and Senate have unanimously approved a bill that would purchase an ingenious disguise for every American to wear after we miss our debt payments and have to go into what economists call “severe deadbeat status.”
“It’s a plan that everyone on the Hill likes because we don’t have to raise taxes, close tax loopholes, cut any spending or do anything that will cost us political capital,” said an anonymous House Representative. “When our creditors come looking for us to get their money, every American can simply shrug and say we don’t know where all the Americans went– we’re new in this country. It’s foolproof really. The only fly in the Vaseline is how we’re going to raise the money needed for 311,884,965 fake glasses and mustaches. Fortunately, we’ve been able to secure a special government discount on these for only $42.35 each from a subsidiary of Halliburton. We’ll find the money, I’m sure!”
8 responses to “Citizens to be Issued Disguises”
My cousin Jerry already looks like he’s wearing that disguise, so subtract him from your formula because he won’t need to buy one.
Please thank Jerry for saving America $42.35.
Every little bit helps!
As a concerned American, I’m willing to pay for my own disguise.
Cha-ching.
ANOTHER $52.35 saved!
Curvin, although Halliburton may hate you, all patriotic Americans love you!
That is, if we can recognize you.
$52.35? I thought it was $42.35. Is the extra ten bucks tax and handling?
Halliburton had a slight cost adjustment for ‘misc stuff.’
I think today the disguise kits are $84.25.
If you still have any of the disguises, there’s a good chance you could move them on Wall Street. Just a thought.
Good idea, Bill. I’m sure they would sell better than brown bags with eyeholes.