The nonhuman presidential race is shaking with the announcement that Big Ol’ Slab O’ Granite, the winner of the New Hampshire primary, may be thinking about dropping out of the race in the next week or two.
“Granite is contemplating maybe thinking about the possibility of perhaps dropping out of the race maybe some time in the near future or so,” said a spokesman on the condition of anonymity. “Granite had a sweet sugar daddy backer who was pumping-up his war chest, but it has been informed that the money well is drying up. If Granite does drop out of the race, it would like to see it he could go to work on Stone Mountain, Georgia, or perhaps do some kitchen countertops. Worse case scenario, maybe it would do bathroom countertops, although Granite has always tended to have bigger plans for its future. We’ll have to wait and see.”
3 responses to “Granite Announces It May Consider Thinking About Dropping Out of Race”
Big Ol’ Slab O’ Granite, the nonhuman human candidate that’s rocked me the most, should definitely hold out for something epically important. Too bad there’s already a Mt. Rushmore. Of course, there’s no reason why there shouldn’t be more of them. The US has had 44 Presidents. Turning mountains into Presidential monuments would take years, not only putting many, many people to work but also giving unborn generations of American tourists new places to visit.
You’re right, Curvin, there re many presidents who have mugs worthy of being captured in stone. Enough of the talk of rebuilding the infrastructure– wah wah wah — more Prez stone faces is what America really need!
Why, Chester A. Arthur’s facial hair alone would shave 2-3% off the unemployment lists.
[…] announced that it is withdrawing from consideration. The candidate announced weeks ago that it was considering thinking about maybe possibly withdrawing from the race. Granite was also recently the target of a savage attack […]