The owners of NFL teams carry a bit more clout than God, and they are tired of hearing players bellyache about the crappy calls being made by replacement referees who are subbing for the real refs who were locked-out by owners for requesting a few more coins.

“Look, I’ve had it with these big, beefy crybabies,” said one anonymous owner, “so I suggested we lock them out and hire replacement players instead.” And that is what the NFL owners have decided to do.

Because they feel college players wouldn’t want to take a pay cut, the NFL is recruiting from middle and high schools nationwide to assemble new teams for play on Sunday.

“It serves them right,” said a billionaire owner from one team. “These NFL players have gotten too big for their britches. Some younger players will love having the caliber of officiating we’ve hired. And if those young punks don’t, well, we’ll fire them and get some more. And if the fans don’t like it, hell, we’ll get some replacement fans, too. And if no one likes our replacement refs, we’ll hire some zebras. It don’t matter to us. The bottom line is this: you peons better get the message– the NFL rules all, and we rule the NFL!”