Wed 21 Aug 2013
Waves of grief are gripping the globe at the news of the death of Flappy Wings Birdie-Boo, a beloved bird known, respected and revered for its ability to “fly in the sky, way up high.”
“The body was discovered this morning,” said Capt. Brian Ferriswheel of the Atlanta Police Department. “Until the autopsy report is completed, we cannot rule out fowl play.”
Calls into the morgue were met with equal parts anger and bitterness. “Leave me alone,” shouted an irate Kenneth Tiltawhirl, the county medical examiner, “I’m only one man and last time I checked I haven’t received a pay raise in seven years. And this morning, my toaster crapped out and I spilled coffee on these new off-white linen slacks. How you like them apples, mister smartypants?”
Meanwhile, many mourned the tragic news.
“Flappy Wings Birdie-Boo was a very popular birdie-poo,” said Rex The Talking Dog. “He had over 3,200 Facebook friends, over 460,000 followers on Twitter and a very robust Google+ account. It’s a real loss. Wish I could talk more, but I have to go to elocution class.”