El Chapo escapes to the big time–– VIVA LAS VEGAS!

El Chapo escapes to the big time–– VIVA LAS VEGAS!

Officials representing Mexican drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman have announced the recent prison escapee will be headlining at The Mirage Hotel & Casino on the Las Vegas strip this fall.

“El Chapo has proven his amazing skills with magic,” his agent Jimmy “Gimme Gimme” Sandropop told The Lint Screen, “and now he wants to come prove his mettle where David Copperfield, Penn & Teller, Criss Angel and other so-called magicians have made tons of money. They are all crap!” the spokesman said spitting to the ground in disgust. He continued his pitch.

“The Great El Chapo has escaped every cell he has ever been put in. And he does it in style–– helicopters, tunnels with motorcycles, waffle makers, frozen margarita machines and juggling monkeys on unicycles–– whatever he wants, he gets, no strings attached, no tricks involved. He makes Houdini look like a talentless hack. El Chapo is the best magician ever, and he will prove it in the toughest test conditions anywhere–– on the fabulous Las Vegas strip! Of course, there will be a two-drink minimum. We’ll also have other ‘recreations’ available for the more adventurous patrons.”