For 75 years, Tom and Jerry have been fighting like cats and dogs, but they called a press conference today to announce they had settled their long dispute. “I can’t even recall how our feud began,” said a contemplative Tom the cat as he lit a pipe.

“Maybe it’s because you’re a hostile a-hole,” said Jerry, the wiseacre mouse.

“I’ve got anger management issues, for sure,” Tom said, as he scooped Jerry into his paw then into his mouth. “But it’s nothing a mouse diet can’t cure.”

In the cat’s belly, Jerry lit a bomb. It exploded, and Tom blew-up into a million bloody pieces.

“Now, you’re not such an angry prick,” Jerry said, wiping the blood from his mouse paws and beginning to walk away. SUDDENLY, Tom came running from stage left chasing the mouse.

“How I wish I could die,” the feline said in a frustrated whine.

“You and me, both!” Jerry said.

The reporter from The Lint Screen shook his head and wondered if those two would ever settle their differences!