Now that President Trump has taken out the trash by canning FBI Director James Comey, Washington is abuzz with rumors of his replacement. Sources close to the prez have told The Lint Screen the short list is down to two candidates, and the leader is Derek Justice.

Justice is said to be “ideal, the perfect man for the job,” an anonymous White House insider whispered. “The Attorney General and President have been diligent in finding someone who’ll be independent and enforce the laws of the land. Derek Justice is exactly what his last name suggests–– he’s all about Justice. If selected, all Americans can be confident and sleep well knowing he’ll do an incredible job. He’ll give 110% or better.”

When asked about Mr. Justice’s background and credentials, the source ran outside and hid in the bushes.