The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.

Category: Rants and Raves

Points of view put out there to be agreed with or shot at. Your move, babe.

  • Super Bowl (Roman Numeral Something) Commercial Reviews Pt. 2

    Why The Super Bowl went dark.
    Why The Super Bowl went dark.

    The NFL runs a thanks to its fans as real live players show up at their home. Hell, they even clean a driveway and like doing it, proving that head injuries cause brain damage.

    Blackberry pimps its new phone with a special effects hoo-haw that makes the point that the phone does all kinds of stuff. Well, uh, O.K., I guess.

    eTrade baby talks again. Not so cute anymore. Grow up already.

    Bud Light has spots on their ‘only weird if it doesn’t work’ campaign, an idea they borrowed from “SportsCenter” way back when. These spots show sports superstitions played with Big Easy voodoo and black magic. A sixer of BL gains one access to this great power granted by Stevie Wonder! Wow-wee! Not great moments in advertising.

    The Niners look lame. The lights go out in N.O. What’s going on here? Geez, are these commercials that bad?

    Subway wastes buckets of money hiring various celebs telling us that “February” is hard to say and that Subway is selling subs. Thanks for the update, bun breath.

    Axe Apollo introduces itself with a drowning beauty, a hungry shark and a hunky lifeguard, oh, and some guy in an astronaut outfit. Uh, long way to go for product recognition, but I guess it works.

    Kia Forte shows product at car show. A nerd paws the car and cybernetic hotties toss him like a rag doll. Hey, that’s a good looking car!

    Something called Gildan tee shirts advertises. Hmmm, maybe I’ll wear one with my Calvin Klein underwear.

    Tracy Morgan for Mio Fit. No thanks.

    Psy won’t die. The obnoxious Korean pop sensation shows us his gangham style moves cracking pistachios. Nutcracker suite? Will Psy’s 15 minutes of fame ever be up? Please!!!

    Lincoln yaks about some social media dealio with Jimmy Fallon and I’m supposed to care and get on the internet to check it out and I don’t think I could care any less about this so I don’t think I will.

    Speed Stick has a spot with a guy holding some panties. I’m starting to re-think my Calvin Kleins.

    Is black the new beer color? Beck’s brings us Beck’s Sapphire with a singing fish. Dumb.

    Budweiser goes for the heartstring long bomb with a tale of the man who raises a Clydesdale foal, it grows up and the beer company comes for its hooved asset, the man three years later goes to see the Clydies in Chicago. He is sad, but wait, the Clydesdale breaks free and runs down the street and the two embrace. Did anyone on the creative team see Equus?

    What’s this year’s “Halftime in America” spot? The new one for Dodge Ram. A brilliant spot that uses the voice of Paul Harvey reading a tone poem he wrote to farmers–– matched with beautiful images honoring the American farmer. It’s a terrific spot with a great end line: “Dodge Ram: For the farmer in all of us.” And damn if Dodge Ram doesn’t just fit the bill beautifully. Great spot. Fresh, riveting. End zone dance.

    Kia blows a wad of dough to answer a kid asking his parents “Where do babies come from?” Not worth going into what happens. Oh, yeah, I guess they’re in a Kia vehicle, at least I think so. I remember a panda bear and babies parachuting and the song “And the wheels on the bus..”

    Tide has a great spot about a miracle “Montana Stain” and the sensation is causes. One of the best spots of night.

    Mercedes CLA introduces itself in style with Willem Dafoe as the devil and the Rolling Stones singing for his sympathy and a young man imagining ruling the world from behind the wheel of this car– but hey, look at the low price, kiddo! Keep your soul, take out a bank loan. Oh wait, that’s selling your soul, too. Bring back that devil…

    Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen appear in a Samsung “Next big thing” spot with Bob Odenkirk and LeBron James. Lots of big money star power, some good lines but hardly as arresting or as smart as the campaign spoofing iGeeks waiting outside Apple stores.

    Ravens win. That’s it. Goodnight.

  • Django Off The Chain

    Oh boy, looks like trouble's come to town.
    Oh boy, looks like trouble’s come to town.

    Like Orson Welles, Quentin Tarantino will live in the shadow of an early masterpiece. His Citizen Kane is Pulp Fiction, a movie that like Kane broke so many rules it will stand as enduring art.

    Tarantino’s latest film, Django Unchained, is an incredible film that like Inglourious Basterds, is history re-imagined and staged for maximum entertainment. Whereas Steven Spielberg spent his creative energy this year making Lincoln, a well-acted rather dry history lesson (“Don’t go to the theatre, Abe– the play’s not that good!”), Tarantino goes for a fascinating tale driven by unforgettable characters and riveting plot points.

    Yes, there’s gratuitous blood and guts, this is Tarantino after all, but it’s the story that makes Django Unchainedsuch a kick. Jamie Foxx is terrific as Django, the slave who becomes a bounty hunter to gain his freedom, but the film really belongs to Christoph Waltz, the German actor who also played “The Jew Hunter” in Inglourious Basterds. Here, he is a dentist/bounty hunter, and his performance is certainly one of the year’s best. He owns every scene he appears in, resplendent facial hair and all.

    You’ll also enjoy Leo DiCaprio as a sadistic Mississippi plantation owner, and oh my goodness golly how Samuel L. Jackson delivers an incredibly fun performance as his sycophantic manservant. Ummm ummm ummm, mighty fine acting.

    See Lincoln as your civic duty, then treat yourself to Django and set yourself free.

  • Worst… Bar… Ever!

    How you’ll feel should ye be in need of a pint or two.

    In the world’s greatest city, there is a bar worthy of hell.

    A place that purports to be an Irish bar, but is instead an affront to anyone who has ever graced a barstool with their thirsty arse.

    The joint is called Lilly O’Briens Irish Bar, on Murray Street just off West Broadway in the hip TrBeCa area of Manhattan. What follows are a list of its sins.

    1. It is light and bright. I’m talking bright like if Stevie Wonder walked into the joint he’d say, “Dim it down, would you?!”

    2. The place is littered with hi-def TVs playing sports, and many of the feeds are standard def. Look, Irish bars aren’t sports bars. End of discussion.

    3. The Smithwicks was flat, and get a load of this, the place had Coors Light on draft! Lord help us all…

    4. There was a pair of Muhammad Ali’s boxing trunks mounted in a glass case and hanging on the wall. What this was doing in an Irish Bar was a mystery.

    5. Loud contemporary alt rock music was blaring on the sound system. Gotye is hardly the soundtrack for an Irish bar.

    Bottom line, this place may be an O.K. sports bar, but it’s a hell of a lousy Irish Bar and should be sued for false advertising.

    ‘Twas enough to drive a man to drink– elsewhere.

  • A Sad Day in Lint Land

    Curvin O’Rielly, a man who made the world a more tolerable place

    Curvin died yesterday. Cancer took him down. Damn cancer. Angels of mercy with a hospice in upstate New York guided him from this world to the next. Today this world feels more empty for the loss of Curvin O’Rielly.

    I never met Curvin. Never even spoke to him. But I knew Curvin.

    I knew him first by his work. Curvin was one of those gifted admen who wrote campaigns that were intelligent and soulful. He crafted copy for Saab, BMW, NutraSweet, Saturn and many more that spoke truth artfully and persuasively. I knew Curvin because as a young copywriter I strained my eyes to read his words reproduced in ad award show books. Curvin was a hero of mine, a copy god.

    I got to know Curvin thanks to a mutual Facebook friend. She thought we’d like one another. We became Facebook friends, and we liked one another immediately.

    We traded stories about working for Hal Riney in S.F. Anyone who ever worked for Riney can swap tales. In San Francisco, Riney stories are traded like baseball cards. Curvin had some very valuable cards.

    Curvin began reading this blog and quickly became its top commenter. Since March of 2010, Curvin’s wit and wisdom graced many of The Lint Screen posts. Take a look-see. Often his commentary was better than the entry commented upon. Copy gods do such things naturally.

    I urged Curvin to write a book. He had so many great stories, so much wisdom to share. He refused the book idea, but he did write a blog, Ace of Admen. There aren’t a ton of entries, but they are all well worth reading.

    While regret I never had the chance to meet Curvin or work with him, I feel fortunate for having known him. He will be sorely missed. The world needs the likes of him more than ever.

    Rest, Curvin and thanks. You will be missed.

  • Zuckerberg’s Achilles’ Heel

    He made us a playground but the bullies are taking over.

    Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook is soon expected to have one billion members. But I think I see the problem with the whole social network thing. It’s people.

    The power of social networking is connecting with people. It’s a wonderful way to share your life with others and re-kindle relationships. The problem is that some people also believe the social network is a political tool to broadcast their points of view and beliefs.

    Facebook is like a playground where we children play, but more and more I’m seeing political bullies on the playground. Or religious bullies. Or any kind of bully who wants to broadcast their belief system to everyone who is their “friend.”

    This will ultimately wear people down. People won’t go to the playground as often. In the next couple months leading up to the election, Facebook will be an intolerable place to be. Expect gang warfare.

    What hath Zuckerberg wrought? Can I get a “like” here, people?

  • More Stooge Me

    Unfortunately, not enough nyuks for your bucks.

    All right, I did it. I ponied-up the do re mi and went to see “The Three Stooges” movie written and directed by Bobby and Peter Farrelly. And… drumroll please… it was a disappointment.

    Oh, I don’t blame the actors. Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos and Will Sasso are fine as the Stooges. Credible enough in looks and taking hammers to noggins, fingers to eyes and fists to guts. You also get Larry David and Jane Lynch playing nuns in full habits, plus Sofía Vergara playing a sexy bombshell (she’s a method actor). Yeah, there’s a lot of talent on the screen but it’s wasted on a weak script and direction.

    The Farrelly brothers failed. These guys are uneven. They’ve made sophomoric classics like “Dumb and Dumber”, “There’s Something About Mary” and “Kingpin” (maybe the best Amish bowling movie ever made), and they’ve made “meh” films like “Shallow Hal”, “Fever Pitch” and “Hall Pass”. I propose a brother exchange program. We swap a Coen Brother for a Farrelly brother and see what happens.

    Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

    Your best sophomoric movie dollar is spent on “21 Jump Street” which delivers some good gags and laughs.