There is a delicious dessert enjoyed while driving on I-85 through South Carolina: The Glorious Gaffney Peach.
This magnificent structure stands as a testament to humanity’s ability to think boldly and imaginatively for the enrichment of all. A water tower as a piece of fruit? Yes, it can be done– no wonder we’re top of the food chain, baby!
Gaffney bills itself as the peach capital of the world, and while I don’t know if that’s true, I do know they have one of the greatest roadside attractions in America. Have a favorite roadside attraction? Please share, tightlips.
For now, come enjoy a drive by on I-85 South past the Glorious Gaffney Peach, a sight that brings tears of joy to my eyes.
After 40 years, two landmarks will be dismantled. A county mourns as petty neighbors celebrate.Travelers on I-85 north of Atlanta (by the Jimmy Carter Boulevard exit), have been treated to the Great Gwinnett Twin Towers for over three decades. These glorious water towers serve as a beacon to the universe with their simple declarative statements: “GWINNETT IS GREAT” and “SUCCESS LIVES HERE.” Well, water tower fans, scuttlebutt has it that soon the towers are coming down. As a proud resident (a Gwinnetian) I am saddened at the thought.
Driving is boring. Most billboards are ugly and suck. Mother Nature can get repetitive on a long drive (she’s prettty stingy with her Grand Canyons, Niagra Falls, Badlands or Big Surs). Thus, roadside attractions like water towers with pithy thought-proving messages are greatly appreciated. Think about this philosophical question––is Gwinnett great because Success lives here, or does Success live here because Gwinnett is great? Those are two distinct perspectives are worthy of serious brain wrestling. Yet, soon these majestic towers will soon be gone.
Many in neighboring counties think our towers are boastful. These envious people are happy to see these cherished monuments become memories, but I beg to differ. Gwinnett is great, but that doesn’t diminish our county cousins. I mean, look–– Fulton is fine, DeKalb is decent, Cobb is common, Barrow is bewildering, Hall is helpful, Walton is wistful, Forsyth is funky and Cherokee is cheery.
Now, imagine for a moment you are Success— where would you live?
Gwinnett. Where water towers always speak truth, Gwinnetians are masters of the universe and Success can be seen mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters or washing the car on Saturdays.
Fair thee well, wise water towers. I shall spout waterworks for you long after you’ve gone.
His given name is Lawrence Travagliante, a mouthful for sure, and the kind of name that’d bust the bank if you were printing softball jerseys.
But millions of rock fans know him as Kid Leo, the greatest rock DJ of all time in the opinion of this half-deaf boomer. Kid Leo’s still doing his stuff 4-7 PM on Little Steven’s Underground Garage on satellite radio (channel 25 Sirius, channel 59 XM). “Little Steven” is Steve Van Zandt (AKA Miami Steve), legendary E. Street Band guitarist, Tony Soprano’s main man, Silvio Dante, and evil music pusher. Rock ‘n roll music is Satan’s soundtrack, beware, childrens! If you’ve never heard Kid Leo, you’ve never heard rock radio as it was meant to be, before the days of heavy rotation vanilla corporate rock.
From 1974 to 1988, Kid Leo spit into the microphone at WMMS-FM (The Buzzard) in Cleveland. Back then, the format was called ‘Progressive Rock’, a fancy way to say album rock or whatever the hell vinyl the DJ wanted to play. From ’79 to ’87, WMMS was named Radio Station of The Year by readers of Rolling Stone (this is a bit of a cheat as legend has it the #1 vote was the response “Radio sucks”). Still, WMMS was a force and one of the main reasons the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame is located by Lake Erie. Kid Leo was one of the key drivers of WMMS. I was an avid listener, when the signal wafted into the outer reaches of northeastern Ohio.Once, a buzzard ruled the airwaves. Imagine.The Kid’s voice is gruff, like a Harley Davidson engine on a cold morning. He speaks in beat-influenced hipster slang patter, making the English language his bitch.
He’s the guy your parents warned you about when you were growing up, the one who had no job, smoked one Pall Mall to light another, smelled of stale whiskey, swore colorfully, had a stack of well-worn Penthouses, drove a muscle car way too fast and would happily buy you and your under-aged friends some PBR on the sly–providing there was a six or so in it for him.
He knew all the bands and all the songs, with an unrivaled record collection, and would craft a playlist that’d have you riding an emotional roller coaster– like you had a fist in your gut. At the end of his musical journey, he’d deliver you exhausted and begging for another ride ‘round the track.
Before the days of manufactured boy bands, ‘focus-grouped sounds’ and crossover media megastars, Kid Leo identified and gave air cover to interesting, compelling artists he thought were worth hearing–– Springsteen, Bowie, Patty Smith, Pretenders, Ramones, Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes, Mink DeVille, Graham Parker and The Rumour, Rickie Lee Jones, Tom Waits, on and on and on. He nestled them in deep tracks of great bands and great songs from obscure bands you felt shamed for not knowing.
It was an audio stew that continually coaxed your fingers to dial the volume control knob louder and louder and louder still until blood trickled on your shoulders.
On Friday’s at 6PM, he officially ushered in the weekend for northeast Ohio by playing Springsteen’s Born to Run , and it was like the green flag had been dropped.
Kid Leo conjured musical magic that made beer taste better.
He ended each shift with his guttural signature, “It’s time for me to punch out and wash up” and that about said it all. Kid Leo worked in the rock and roll mill, manufacturing one hell of a good time. At the end of his shift, he was dirty and spent. And so were his listeners.
If you’ve never heard him, he’s worth the price of admission to satellite radio. Join Kid Leo during one of his work shifts, work up an honest sweat and see if you don’t agree he’s the best there is and quite possibly the best there ever was.
Yes, I know traditional advertising is supposed to be dead.
Yes, I know 76% of people say they don’t trust or believe advertising (but I don’t believe them– no one wants to admit his/her opinion can be swayed by anything).
Yes, I know the consumer is king/queen/ruler of their media universe.
But for God’s sake, will advertisers please cut it out with the gonzo guerrilla tactics, lame product placements, ham-fisted promo/entertainment integration and convoluted tie-ins?! Using gospel music to sell Disney movies, praise be!I recently went to a Gospel Brunch at The House of Blues in Houston. The singers began pimping the new Disney movie “The Princess & The Frog” with free tickets and movie paraphenalia. It was like the gospel music was interrupting a big Disney commercial.
Give me some of that old time traditional advertising–– I’m sick of the loopy promotional tie-ins everywhere. Especially sports.
It’s just a matter of time until we’ll be watching a football game and hear commentators saying things like, “Anderson fumbles the ball and it’s another costly turnover. You know, Pepperidge Farm Turnovers never let you down with their delicious fruit fillings and flaky pastry crusts. Ummm, that’s some good eating on a hungry morning! Pepperidge Farm Turnovers, umm yum!”
“And there’s the two minute warning. You know, in less than two minutes you can easily compare affordable Progressive Insurance rates with four competitors. Sweet sassafras, could it get any easier to save yourself some money on insurance?!”
“It’s the Ford Focus third down. Third and three yards…”
“There’s the snap–and Snapper mowers keep any lawn looking beautiful– the hand-off to Wilson, who gains four yards. If you want to keep your yard crabgrass-free, Ortho Weed-B-Gone does the job quickly and easily. Kill that crabgrass dead!”
Look, just because you can put a promotional message somewhere doesn’t mean you should put a promotional message there.
Brothers and sisters, can I get an “Amen” on this. (The previous “Amen” was brought to you by Disney’s The Princess & The Frog, showing at a theatre near you.)
Our first child, Matt Scullin was born December 10, 1989. A week later, on December 17, the most important show ever on TV was born– The Simpsons.
Our family (yes, even the babies) has always watched The Simpsons. We’ve had spirited debates on picking a favorite episode (mine is “Boy-Scoutz ‘n the Hood” from season eight in which Bart joins the Junior Campers and hilarity ensues), we quote Simpsons lines chapter and verse (and recite favorites), discuss couch gags, and are torn when asked to pick our favorite characters (don’t ask, it hurts too much ). If loving you is wrong, we don’t wanna be right…While other families were shielding their precious children’s innocent eyes from this irreverent show, we were glued to it. For 20 years, it has been an animated encyclopedia of pop culture. Yes, it’s an educational cartoon, so there all you parents who refused your kiddies the intellectual stimulation of Springfield. Hope you’re happy with your dimwitted goody two-shoes.
The early episodes, like most sitcoms, were not that funny. The show’s executive producers, James L. Brooks, Matt Groening and Sam Simon were working to establish the characters, both their look and the sound of their voices. But soon the show hit its stride.
Great writers like John Swartzwelder, (who amazingly has written 60 episodes), George Meyer, Jon Vitti, Conan O’Brien, Dan Garth, Al Jean, Mike Reiss and many more brought The Simpson family and Springfield to life. A population of hilarious characters became the perfect canvas for social commentary, satire, wacky hijinks and laughs galore.
Has the show jumped the shark? Sure, some seasons more than others. Everything grows stale after 20 years (which is why we gave our 20-year old son Matt to a band of traveling gypsies).
But still, it’s been a hell of a run for Homer & Co., and our family is eternally thankful and grateful to theirs for two decades of fun.
Since it’s good for any essay to have a nicely rounded wrap-up, I’ll leave you with this– a letter written by Matt Scullin to Matt Groening, Simpsons creator, a few years back when Matt S. felt the show was seeing a shark in the rear view mirror.
February 19, 2006
Mr. Matt Groening
Executive Producer
The Simpsons
FOX Broadcasting Network
P.O. Box 900
Beverly Hills, CA 90213
Dear Matt Groening:
I am a huge fan of your show, “The Simpsons” and I have seen every episode. I am sixteen years old and I have been on your train ever since the show started. I am one week older than your show, to be exact. I have laughed to the point of no return over the early years and you are truly a god for creating these characters. When I say “characters” I don’t just mean the Simpsons; I am talking about Moe, Krusty, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, and the many other citizens of Springfield.
Man do I love a lot of your episodes. Seasons four, five, six, and seven are gold. Last Exit To Springfield, Homer The Heretic, Mr. Plow, Rosebud, Deep Space Homer, Homer Loves Flanders, Secrets Of A Successful Marriage, Homer The Great, Homer Badman, And Maggie Makes Three, A Star Is Burns, The Springfield Connection, and 22 Short Films About Springfield are all classic episodes.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the next five seasons too. But you began to slip along the way of oh, season thirteen or so. I realized that the show would probably never be as good as it was, and I was right. The episodes lost its spark and even lost the laughs. The stories became too much involved with Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. You buried the secondary characters alive in a cold dusty coffin. They slowly died and went to “forgotten characters heaven.” The stories became uninteresting and filled with too many unfunny 1-liner gags. I put up with these episodes and told my friends how the show was slowly fading into nothingness. I still gave you a chance on January 29, 2006. But this was simply the last straw.
This episode was terribly awful and my teeth cringed at the episode’s every attempt to make me laugh. I didn’t even come close to laughing once. I was disgusted at the fact that the animation was completely different. Everything looked too well drawn and had too much detail. It lost its once vibrant, warm, fuzzy animation of the earlier years. The episode was filled with a large surplus of unfunny 1-liner gags. The episode was lame, hateful, unfunny, and visually displeasing. While I watched it, I just repeated to myself, “This is not happening.” That episode single handedly crushed my hope for “The Simpsons”.
I beg of you: Fire all your writers, bring back the “old school” animation, and bring back the secondary characters. If you refuse, simply stop making episodes of the “The Simpsons” because I died a little inside on January 29, 2006.
Please write back or I will keep mailing you this letter.
Sincerely,
Matt Scullin
P.S. Take notes from “Family Guy”.
Cc: James L. Brooks, Mike Scully, Al Jean
In case you were wondering, Matt never heard from Mr. Groening, but the show has gotten better since then. Maybe he listened.
This world is a funny place. It comes with serendipity as standard equipment. Take yesterday.
I find a posting that leads me to an old Apple commercial that happens to tickle me and so I write a blurb about it and post it (see below). Less than a half hour later, I check my Facebook account and a pal has listed a quote from Jack Kerouac and it sounds awfully familiar. Lo and behold, it is the skeletal structure for the Apple spot that I had just posted, yet said spot gave no credit to the original author. Tsk, tsk, finger wag to the plagiarizing cretins who would steal from the Beat Master.
So, for the benefit of Mr. K., here is his quote. Read it, click on the Apple spot and have a simultaneous sense of familiarity and deja vu, goo goo g’joob (I’m channeling Lennon): “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
