The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.

Category: Reviews

The good, the bad, the ugly– one man’s call.

  • The Best Movie of 2011?

    Bernie is a gift from Carthage, Texas to your front door.

    2011 was hardly a great year for motion pictures. War Horse, The Help, Moneyball, Hugo, The Artist and The Descendants were lauded as some of the best. While many were way above average, none were worthy of much thought beyond the initial screening.

    Now you can see what The Lint Screen believes was the best movie of the year. One that hardly got mentioned–– Bernie.

    Based on a true story that took place in Carthage, (East) Texas in 1996, it’s the fascinating tale of Bernie Tiede (played by Jack Black), an assistant funeral director who can sing like an angel, spread compassion like warm butter on an August day, and is generous with empathy, goodwill and love to all. Especially blue hairs.

    Bernie becomes the constant companion of the town’s mean, rich old lady, Marjorie Nugent (played by Shirley MacLaine in her current life form). Bernie enjoys the lifestyle of the rich and famous, globe trotting by Marjorie’s side. The couple is the talk of the town, and actual locals are filmed as the chorus of “gossips” who act as insightful play-by-play announcers with vivid color commentary for the fantastical story as it unfolds.

    Let’s just say it doesn’t end well for Marjorie or Bernie as one thing leads to another and somebody gets hurt. The ambitious D.A., Danny Buck (played by Matthew McConaughey who manages to keep his shirt on), wants the truth to be revealed and justice to be served.

    The story was originally reported by the excellent journalist Skip Hollandsworth for Texas Monthly. The article was read by director Richard Linklater (Fast Food Nation, School of Rock, Slacker, Dazed and Confused), and together the two men spent over a decade working on the screenplay.

    The result is one amazing story with terrific, unforgettable performances by Black and MacLaine, both Oscar-worthy. It’s entertaining, funny, warm and touching. Within the first five minutes, you’ll also learn some handy things you can do with Krazy Glue that you probably didn’t know.

    Oh, Oscar, how could you have overlooked this gem of a film? Do yourself a favor, give it a go and enjoy the ride. It certainly has more chops than War Horse.

  • LBJ: Werewolf Killer

    Not even the charismatic JFK could subdue LBJ’s white hot hatred of werewolves!

    The new movie LBJ: Werewolf Killer opened this past weekend with an astounding $1.2 billion in worldwide ticket sales. The movie is based on Robert Caro’s 2008 bestseller Ascent to Hairy & Vicious Fangs of Death!

    While I thought the film was very good, I did question the casting of Peter Dinklage as LBJ. He appeared to have some trouble with the Texas accent to me.

    The film accurately depicts the struggles Johnson faced with both the Viet Nam war and the invasion of an army of werewolves every full moon. Yet, somehow, LBJ kicked some werewolf ass and kept our country safe.

    Charlize Theron was a particularly inspired choice in the role of Lady Bird Johnson. One of the highlights of the film is her impassioned speech to her husband and a full session of Congress admonishing the littering of dead werewolves across the nation. This famous speech became the bedrock for her ‘beautify America’ campaign. Ben Kingsley turns in one of the strongest performances of his distinguished career as Hellcat Hairy, the leader of the werewolves who had the iconic catchphrase, “Let’s eat some faces, wolvies, me hungie!”

    All in all, a good flick that ranks right up there with other prez bio classic like James C. Polk: Zombie Slayer and U.S. Grant: Ghost Whacker. Catch this flick now!

  • More Stooge Me

    Unfortunately, not enough nyuks for your bucks.

    All right, I did it. I ponied-up the do re mi and went to see “The Three Stooges” movie written and directed by Bobby and Peter Farrelly. And… drumroll please… it was a disappointment.

    Oh, I don’t blame the actors. Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos and Will Sasso are fine as the Stooges. Credible enough in looks and taking hammers to noggins, fingers to eyes and fists to guts. You also get Larry David and Jane Lynch playing nuns in full habits, plus Sofía Vergara playing a sexy bombshell (she’s a method actor). Yeah, there’s a lot of talent on the screen but it’s wasted on a weak script and direction.

    The Farrelly brothers failed. These guys are uneven. They’ve made sophomoric classics like “Dumb and Dumber”, “There’s Something About Mary” and “Kingpin” (maybe the best Amish bowling movie ever made), and they’ve made “meh” films like “Shallow Hal”, “Fever Pitch” and “Hall Pass”. I propose a brother exchange program. We swap a Coen Brother for a Farrelly brother and see what happens.

    Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

    Your best sophomoric movie dollar is spent on “21 Jump Street” which delivers some good gags and laughs.

  • Hungry For More

    Her aim is true, unfortunately the film misses big time

    Rarely do movie versions of books live up to their print source material. The Hunger Games movie is a huge disappointment compared to the book.

    Suzanne Collins wrote the bestseller book and co-wrote the screenplay for the blockbuster movie. She is to be hailed for the former and partially blamed for the latter. If you did not read the book, don’t bother with the movie. You will be confused and wonder what all the hoopla’s about.

    If you read the book, do not see the movie. You will be disappointed.

    The book is such a wonderful page-turner, it practically reads itself. The movie somehow makes the same story dull, which is a damn shame because Jennifer Lawrence is so good.

    I blame the screenplay and the director. What should have been an incredible cinema experience is pedestrian and feels cheap. It lacks pace, pathos, excitement.

    Read the book. Maybe some day Hollywood make a picture worthy of the pages, but for now, save your money.

  • “And The Oscar Goes To… Television!”

    Timothy Olyphant as Deputy U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens in "Justified" demands your attention.
    After shelling out big bucks to see well over a couple dozen movies this past year, it finally struck me–– the big screen is getting trumped by the little one.

    The creative output on broadcast television far exceeds the re-hashed plotlines, remakes, kiddie pablum, cookie cutter sequels, artsy-fartsy borefests and special effects-driven mindless fare Hollywood keeps churning out.

    Here are 23 great shows you can see on air. Some are subscription based, but many are free, and almost all are available on Netflix or on demand. It’s a feast of storytelling and rich, complex character development.

    Get a load of these:
    Justified, Falling Skies, Mad Men, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Luther, Downton Abbey, Weeds, Hell on Wheels, Boardwalk Empire, The Daily Show, Game of Thrones, Louie, Portlandia, Dexter, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Homeland, The Colbert Report, Modern Family, Breaking Bad, The Middle, Treme, Californication and The Walking Dead.

    That’s 23 terrific shows, everything from period pieces to fantasy to gritty drama to sharp political satire and commentary to gripping psychological character studies to absurdist humor to family friendly comedy to rich explorations into the human condition.

    It’s no wonder some of the sharpest talent in entertainment has gone from the big screen to the smaller one. There is more freedom to create, to develop, to take risks, to tell truly interesting stories and to succeed.

    In short, contrary to what our parents always told us, we should all be watching more TV.

  • Scarier Than Any Aliens

    Life during a pandemic ain't too pretty.
    Contagion is a very frightening movie. Steven Soderbergh film of a Scott Z. Burns screenplay has a galaxy of stars–– Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laurence Fishburne, Jude Law, Bryan Cranston and Kate Winslet–– without any big special effects or CGI aliens, monsters or exploding cities.

    Yet, the film is gripping and terrifying because the simple story is so plausible, believable and frankly expected that this is certainly how the world will react when we get our next great pandemic.

    It ain’t going to be pretty, people.

    This is an adult movie studded with great performances, interesting camerawork, an innovative soundtrack and some surprising twists. It also has this gem of a line: “Blogging? That’s just graffiti with punctuation.”

    Contagion is hardly a feel-good movie, but it’s certainly a movie worth seeing. If you do, please try to refrain from coughing. It will only scare others.