The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.

Category: Reviews

The good, the bad, the ugly– one man’s call.

  • Pirates of The Caribbean Something or Other

    Shiver me timbers– wake me when it's over, maties!
    Here we go again–– an early entry into the summer big blockbuster season built on a successful multi-billion dollar franchise with an incredible cast including Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Penelope Cruz and Ian McShane. It’s Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tide!!! You’ve got great expectations, right?

    Yep, and expectations are dashed to the rocks like the surf.

    This rollicking adventures has lots of swashbuckling, sword fights galore, evil mermaids and more mascara than a New York runway during fashion week. Yet it bores.

    If you have kiddies, you have no choice– you’ve got to fork over more booty to Disney. But if you’re an adult movie fan, save your money. This lightweight fare isn’t worth your time.

    We’ve been there, done that and the bag of tricks feels empty. The plot is a convoluted tale of the search for the fountain of youth. The scriptwriters seemingly discovered energy drinks while writing this; the story is never ending.

    And the uninspired Hans Zimmer soundtrack only adds to the tedium. It sounds like needledrop music from beginning to end.

    Rob Marshall (Chicago, Nine) directs endless fight scenes with a deft hand for choreography, yet somehow this whole film lacks soul, humor, excitement and humanity.

    Frankly, my dears, I just didn’t give a damn what happened next.

    It’s a pity to spend so much money on big sets, lavish costumes, casts of hundreds, real star power, beautiful cinematography, cool special effects and end up with such precious little treasure. Unfortunately, it’ll make another billion. Cha-ching, maties!

    After viewing this mess, I felt like pirates have robbed me of a couple hours of my life. Yawn.

  • Bridesmaids–Raunchy, Yes. Funny, Not So Much.

    A lot of talent without a lot to work with. A pity, that.
    Kristen Wiig is one of the most talented comic actors working. Her characters on Saturday Night Live are reason enough to tune-in, and her supporting roles in movies have been consistently excellent over the years. Her performance in Bridesmaids is also a winner, but unfortunately, this movie misses.

    Kristen is partly to blame–– she co-wrote this film with Annie Mumolo, and the screenplay needed a lot of work. There are too many characters, not enough character development, too much story, and it goes on and on and on and on. It runs 2:05, few comedies can maintain that marathon distance.

    This film’s not hateful, it’s just, well, unrealized and disappointing.

    This is a movie with a couple inspired scenes and a lot of flabby storylines flapping on the screen. It’s a shame. There’s a lot of talent here (Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Jon Hamm and Ellie Kemper), including one of the funniest skit guys in the world, Tim Heidecker of Tim & Eric fame, who didn’t even got a line to read.

    Oh well. It was an easy movie to pitch, I’m sure– a female The Hangover with Judd Apatow attached as producer. It should have been money. Instead, it’s a disappointing waste of talent.

    Cue the trombones. Wah wah wahhhhhhh.

  • Leave It To The Irish

    This spot from Ogilvy Dublin for Irish Society for the Preventition of Cruelty to Children Summer Campaign is one of the most disturbing and powerful public service spots I’ve ever seen.

    No arty metaphors, tone poems or symbolic messages. Just the problem, demonstrated.

    You’re not going to like it, but you will remember it. I hope to hell it works.

  • Source Code: Sci Fi “Groundhog Day”

    "Explain this whole time-space continuum thingie again…"
    I don’t know squat about physics, and trying to explain quantum physics to me is like teaching a donkey to dance a tango, still, I like this new movie Source Code.

    I did not understand it completely, but it was an interesting story, well told and very well-acted.

    Jake Gyllenhaal has game as the war hero on a very hush hush project to try and prevent terrorist attacks. Vera Farmiga and her vibrant blue eyes try to guide him through the channels of discovery and bending of physics. Michelle Monaghan plays the love interest holding Jake’s hand along the way, and Jeffrey Wright is the brilliant, ambitious project leader.

    Can’t go into the plot. Suffice to say there’s action, adventure and explosions, and the premise is one where our hero gets to go back to the same situation again and again with the knowledge he’s gained previously to try and find the terrorist. In this regard, Jake is Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, trying to find his way to redemption.

    The story is fresh, keeps you guessing and is engaging. Yes, the effects are somewhat cheesy, but as far as what’s out there now on movie screens, this is one of the better flicks to see, even if you were a C-student at best in science.

  • “Paul”: Disappointment From Outer Space

    Send help immediately! Beam down some laughs and entertainment!!! We’re dying down here!
    I like to think of going to a movie in a darkened theater to be like occupying a spacecraft. The audience is your fellow crew members and the screen is our window to a brave new world.

    I avoid really crowded theaters since some crew members don’t know how to act. I love theaters where the crew is small because these private screenings give the best of all worlds: a huge screen, comfy chair and precious little chance for any distractions.

    I’ve just returned from a mission where there were only three crew members and our window to a new world was the largest screen at a 24-plex. I’m sorry to report the mission was an abject failure–– a steaming pile called Paul. If you’ve even contemplated going, save your money or put it through a shredder; you’ll have a more entertaining time.

    Paul is an alien tale, an adult E.T. with a potty mouth who smokes, drinks and likes his doobies. He’s voiced by Seth Rogan.

    While the effects of Paul speaking and moving are great, what he is saying and doing is dumb and crude. This film was written by and stars Brits Simon Pegg and Nick Frost as nerds from the U.K. exploring Comic Con and all the places of alien lore in the American west. This film wastes the considerable talents of Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Jane Lynch, Jeffrey Tambor, Sigourney Weaver and Blythe Danner playing the youngest looking 70-year old ever filmed. With all the effects of this movie, you think they could have aged her a little bit.

    I suppose if one were drunk enough or high enough you could mine for laughs in the f-bombs, crotch kicks and women slugging men in the face. And if you did find yourself laughing, this would be a good indication that you’ve hit bottom and it’s time to seek professional help and twelve steps out of the cellar.

    In short, this movie could not end quickly enough for my tastes. Yet, I see on IMDb this sucker got 7.5 stars out of 10. Well, you decide, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…

  • Barney, Oh, Barney!

    Your own wedding reception is a great place to find the bride you want after the one you just married.
    There is an undeniable art to naming movies. The ideal name should be distinctive, intriguing and inviting. Barney’s Version has all those. It’s a great title, but is it a great movie?

    Well, not quite, but it is certainly one of the better films of 2010, a year that had a hearty crowd of terrific movies.

    Barney’s Version stars Paul Giamatti, an actor who has made a career of portraying neurotic, left-of-center characters. His Barney Panofsky is one for the Neurotic Hall of Fame (which does not do much of a gift shop concession business, except for the hand sanitizers).

    Barney is a TV soap opera producer in Montreal who likes his scotch, cigars and hockey. He comes from a middle class Jewish family background, but attempts social climbing through matrimony. The Jewish class struggle is a major backbone of the film.

    Despite marrying three times, Barney loves only one woman– Miriam, who he meets at his second wedding (the marrying-up- the-Jewish-social-ladder marriage). Barney becomes instantly infatuated with Miriam, and she eventually becomes wifey-poo #3 . Miriam is well-played by Rosamund Pike.

    This movie has a complex storyline and is much like a novel with intersecting characters and plots. It is based on a novel by Mordecai Richler and is probably fairly true to the book.

    The supporting cast features Dustin Hoffman as Barney’s dad, Minnie Driver as Barney’s second bride, Scott Speedman as Barnie’s best friend and tortured writer pal. All of the acting is spot-on, as is the writing and directing.

    So what does Barney’s Version lack? Well, it is always interesting, you do want to know what happens next, but ultimately it fails because we never really get a sense at exactly what makes Barney Barney.

    Maybe in the novel Barney is fleshed-out, brought to believable life, but here he goes from situation to situation, like a pinball in a machine. He is motivated, but we never quite know by what.

    And maybe that’s the point. Who can explain any one person’s behavior? But I needed a little more soul to Barney in order to buy his motivations of the heart.

    That said, Barney’s Version is definitely worth seeing, if not in the theatre with $8 popcorn, than at home with a scotch and a cigar.