If you’ve ever poked around the ol’ Lint Screen, you may have come across a section called ‘About da Blog.’ Much like any good mission statement, this page clearly sets forth the Raison d’être (French for ‘Raisin Bran’) of this intellectual public forum. This page also includes a request for pictures of squirrels dressed as blacksmiths, for no other reason than I had never seen one and thought the rest of humanity might enjoy rodents dressed as metallurgical artisans.
Lo and behold, a few pictures came forward, and now the world can see these wonders. Now, one of the masters of squirrel art has forged beyond blacksmithing to ‘squirrel dentistry.’ Mr. Scott Day, a young man looking to make a name in the marketing world, recently shared the following image for me and for you.
Open wide, rinse, spit, enjoy. Click and enjoy the wonders of rodent dentistry.
The Lint Screen staff gets scooped like Baskin Robbins! Ouch. The headlines recently blasted the news that free agent LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers (‘King James’ to his mother and friends) had decided to go to the Miami Heat. It was big news, but not quite as big as the news that the esteemed benchmark for journalistic integrity, The Lint Screen, had gotten the story wrong.
We reported that LeBron was not going pro, but was going back to high school— to play at Ursuline High, a Catholic school in Youngstown, Ohio. We had this juicy tidbit on very good authority: an inside source and trusted member of LeBron’s inner circle, someone who personally knew the cousin of a guy who has a brother-in-law who knows a guy who lives next door to the apartment of the guy who delivers pizzas to LeBron’s house when the big man’s having parties. As sources go, this ironclad source was platinum.
Alas, it was not and the entire staff of The Lint Screen apologizes to anyone who may have been hurt by our inaccurate reporting, especially those who had bet big in Vegas on Ursuline going unbeaten in its 2010-2011 season. Sorry, we won’t let boners like this ever happen again! But we did just hear LeBron may be starting QB for the Dolphins. More on this later, if it pans out…
Sometimes finding the right words is, kind of, you know, uh, whatchacallit, ummm…Recently, BP launched an extensive media blitz to reassure Americans that it is dedicated to cleaning up the mess it has made in the Gulf of Mexico. The spokesman for the TV campaign is the company’s chief executive officer, Tony Hayward. The Lint Screen has obtained some early drafts of scripts allegedly penned by the executive. They are reprinted here for your enlightenment.
TH:I’m Tony Hayward, CEO of British Petroleum. Since this unfortunate oil spill, I have been getting terrible mild headaches. My appetite is lacking and my palate cannot confidently discern a ’98 Petrus Pomerol from a ’99 Chteau Le Pin Pomerol. Looking at my massive net worth does not bring me the intense pleasure it once did. While I can empathize with what many people and animals in the gulf coast are going through, I wish more people would empathize with what I am going through. Look, we’re all in this together. I feel your pain, so please, return the favor and feel a bit of mine. Have a little compassion, won’t you? Thank you.
TH:You know, it’s easy to play the ‘blame game’ for the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Sure, BP had 760 safety violations in recent years, but let’s not assume that makes us guilty of negligence in this horrific accident. If you’re like me, you believe in God, and He ultimately is responsible for everything on earth. After all, He made it, populated it and allows both good things and bad things to happen. Why God wanted this awful oil spill, I don’t know. But my faith is strong enough that I am willing to accept His will. I hope that you will do the same. I’m Tony Hayward, asking you to pray for me and BP.
TH: At BP, we’re concerned for your health. While many support solar power, we know that the sun can also be very dangerous with its harmful UV rays. Especially to those of us with pasty white complexions. Well, one benefit of the recent oil spill is that the pristine beaches so inviting to so many sun worshippers will soon be closed for clean-up operations. This means that BP is helping save millions of Americans from the dangers of UV rays and the risks of sun cancer. Protecting people is just another reason BP should be your first choice in quality petroleum products. Thank you and please don’t forget the sunscreen. BP cares.
TH:Hello, I’m Tony Hayward, CEO of British Petroleum. At BP, we’re concerned about our environment because Mother Nature is our mother, too. She is getting on in her years and we love her as much as ever. So, we’re working hard to clean-up the unfortunate mishap that occurred recently in the Gulf of Mexico. While no one can say what exactly caused the terrible oil spill, we’re going to spend our own money and make great efforts to clean it up. Yes, it’s costing us a bloody fortune, but we will spend whatever it takes to make it right. You see, at BP we believe that oil and water don’t mix, and we’re going to help our poor Mother clean herself up. Not because it’s our fault, but because it’s the right thing to do for the poor old girl.
Everyone’s sharing the good word of The Lint Screen. It’s the fun thing to do!Yesterday, The Lint Screen received its 100,000th hit.
In 22 months, over 100,000 people (or roaming spam-spewing computers) have come by and collected Lint. Four months ago, I started using ClustrMaps (on the home page) to track the countries of origin for hits. To date, 134 different countries have found their way here. Hello, Ethiopia, Isle of Man, Mauritius, Singapore, Poland, Chile, Australia, Pakistan and 126 others– glad to have you!
100,000 hits pretty much ensures that The Lint Screen is possibly the planet’s most popular website with the words “Lint”, “Screen” and “The” in its title.
It couldn’t have happened without you, dear reader. Thanks for your grazing eyeballs.
Here are a few observations after 195 posts.
1. Satire is an alien concept to many. Much of what I’ve written is satire. It’s sarcastic, ironic, silly smartass stuff that lampoons many of the follies of people in our modern times. But, I’m sad to say, many people have no satirical sense of humor. Too many take everything at face value. It’s a reflection of our times, I’m afraid, when The National Enquirer (which was up for a Pulitzer Prize) and The Daily Show With Jon Stewart do a better job of reporting the news than alleged news outlets do. Unfortunately, traditional media is so riddled with biased points of view and spoon-fed talking points, the masses are lulled into complacency and a diet of information that furnishes the mental attic of their comfortable preconceived beliefs. They take the perspective that if it’s in the media it must be true. No, sometimes there is intentional satire, not reality. Many times I strive for a skewed view that may bring focus to the ridiculousness of a situation. Things are not just black or white, not just politically left or right. Sometimes exposing the extremes shows we need to keep our eyes and minds open. Keep collecting Lint, we’ll work it out and maybe have some laughs along the way.
2. It’s more fun when others play. Writing is a lonely profession. There’s you, the voice in your head and your fingers trying to keep up with its dictation. When you publish something, you’re pitching words into the void. Feedback is always appreciated at The Lint Screen. It doesn’t matter if it’s praise or criticism (although praise tends to go over better in the writer’s room), commentary makes the blogging process a dialogue, and dialogue is always good. Come, talk, share, play, enjoy.
3. Arianna Huffington hates me. I have been banned from commenting on The Huffington Post. Why? Because I often pimp some Lint piece that’s relevant to the story HuffPost is publishing. Some sites don’t allow this, some do. The Huffington Post used to allow me to pimp, but now Arianna and her goon squad are giving me the high-hat. Ironically, I learned this technique for pimping my blog from reading The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging. Arianna, make nice and let’s build some fences between Lint and Huff.
4. Don’t make fun of Susan Boyle and expect to get away with it. One of the most controversial specks of Lint was one I did when the Susan Boyle story first caught fire. I thought it was funny, many did not. Read the comments for a great time.
5. Wisdom works, too. Sometimes I’ll write something that isn’t entertainment or about monkeys or blacksmithing squirrels. It is something flecked with pearls of wisdom about things like job hunting, freelancing, the great Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in The World campaign, the legend of The Swedish Bikini Team for Old Milwaukee or my 19-part series on hip replacements (read them sequentially to enjoy a ride through surgery and recovery– my pain equals your reading pleasure). These things get good commentary and pass around. That warms me like my hand in a bucket of warm water at night.
6. Random is hard. From its inception, The Lint Screen was designed to be random in subject matter. This is a recipe for failure in the blogging world. Experts say that one should position oneself as an expert on a subject and use your blog as the bully pulpit to pontificate and build your empire. It sounded boring to me. So, Lint is intentionally random. The hope was people might like the voice and come back to hear it from time to time. It seems to be working– you’re here and maybe you’ll tell some friends and family about it. Sharing Lint is greatly appreciated. It’s the only way The Lint Screen will spread to all nations.
Thanks for reading and please dive deeper into the archives for interesting Lints you may have missed. Oh, and if you’re a CMO with an ad budget of $100 million (more, or less), please call on Ames Scullin O’Haire. We’ll be happy to help.
The economy’s ugly and it’s hurting a lot of people. Political pundits point fingers and flap their yaps endlessly about who is at fault. Not to worry, there’s plenty of blame to go around.
The little film does a brilliant job of explaining the entire sorted stew in just over 11 minutes. The staff of economists at The Lint Screen vouch that as far as we can tell it’s pretty spot-on about who did what, when, where, how and why.
Spend a little time and learn a lot. Let’s hear your reactions. Accurate? Bull? Fluff? And how do you feel about these same scumbuckets still getting paid bonuses out the wazoo? Sorry, that was neither fair nor balanced…
