Pickles Accuses Paws of Genocide


Is this the future that Santy Paws promises humanity?

Ms. Pickles, the lovable monkey candidate in the nonhuman presidential race, has come out with a vicious attack against one of her opponents, precious puppy, Santy Paws.

A spokesman for the Pickles campaign, C. Hurley Everett Mungswallow, IV, told reporters, “Ms. Pickles is outraged and deeply disappointed that Santy Paws, allegedly ‘man’s best friend,’ wants to kill all men and women with his recent proposal to have all humans ‘fixed.’ While this will not kill humanity immediately, it will prevent future generations from being born, thus ending the human species. Ms. Pickles believes this would be tragic since human beings are a species she puts in her top 10 favorite species list. This premeditated genocide shows the contempt and hatred that Santy Paws has for humans. Ms. Pickles believes that a candidate determined to wipe out its electorate would not be a good president, whereas she has always had great respect and admiration for people– especially when they give her treats or help pick lice off her back.”


8 responses to “Pickles Accuses Paws of Genocide”

  1. Ms. Pickles should admire humans not because they give her treats and help pick lice off her back. Instead she should admire them because they’re her closest relatives on evolutionary taxonomy charts, at least according to Darwinists. Creationists, of course, will loudly protest the very nature of this idea, inasmuch as they fervently believe everything on earth arrived in a mere six days. How’s that possible?

  2. There is a toasty corner in hell for evil Darwinists, and they will reside there for well over six days.

    And if giving treats and lice picking doesn’t make for a true pal, what does?

  3. Oh yeah? Look in your mirror. If Ms. Pickles doesn’t look at little like you, I’m a monkey’s uncle.

  4. I guess I do recognize the ol’ Scullin chin and forehead on her. If she is related, maybe I can hit her up for past birthday presents.

    Thanks for the tip, Curvin.

  5. My mistake! I wasn’t wearing my reading glasses. I thought your late-breaking news item was about Ms. Piggy, not Ms. Pickles. How could I be so silly, thinking a pig could run for President. That changes everything!

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