Dan Gruthers, the campaign manager for Ms. Pickles spoke to reporters outside his Tempe, Arizona home. “I think that little puppy and kitten-cat are pretty cute, but I worry about having a president with paws who has the power to nuke our planet to smithereens. What if that paw slips? We couldn’t launch a nuclear attack and evildoers would know that so they’d bully us with verbal wedgies and what-have-yous. Are we going to be a nation of wusses? No! What America needs is a creature like a human but without human faults. And Ms. Pickles, why she’s real human-like, what with her two arms, two legs and a face that melts your heart like butter in a microwave. This country needs a feminine touch on the nuclear launch button, and Ms. Pickles is ready to protect, serve and prepare a mushroom cloud omelette of destruction if need be!”
Ms. Pickles then came out and clapped her hands as reporters swooned. Mr. Gruthers tossed Ms. Pickles a grape, which she caught in her mouth. She then did a back flip and moonwalked. The reporters applauded loudly and cheered.
As the presidential race heats up, there was no response from other declared candidates.
6 responses to “Lovable Monkey Enters Race”
Word on the street says there’s an 800-lb. gorilla who’s thinking about tossing his very large hat into the ring as soon as he clears up lingering questions about where he was born. I’m afraid I have no other details. As usual, I’m counting on The Lint Screen for its fair and accurate political coverage.
Hmmm, this sounds like a juicy scoop. I’ll have to send some investigative reporters out there to harvest any news worth gathering.
Thanks for the tip, Mister!
These dangerous times require a leader that is not concerned whether her trigger finger’s nail polish is dry before engaging the enemy. Adorable, yes. Paws-in-chief, no.
Paws 2012
You don’t agree a great leader leads only after a relaxing mani/pedi treatment?
I’ve read great leaders also will pick lice off one another.
You are one funny boy, Patrick. You probably have enough funny for two boys.
Thanks, Ms. Kit-Cat. Those boys got funny galore.