The Lint Screen

Pickles Airs Attack Ad

Written by

PD Scullin

in

,
Pickles says Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite has big plans for American electorate.

The nonhuman presidential race has turned ugly as lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles, has taken to the airwaves to slam a key opponent.

Witness this recent spot that aired in swing states:

OPEN ON VIDEO OF HUMAN REMAINS FOLLOWING EARTHQUAKES. OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS, A DRAMATIC VOICEOVER IS HEARD.

ANNCR: Why does Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite want to be president? Could it be it wants to fall on you and your family and crush you all to painful death? Why would Granite want to kill innocent God-loving Americans? The answer is simple.

CUT TO SCENES OF GRAVE MARKERS IN A CEMETERY.

Granite is used to make grave markers.

CUT TO SCENE OF CRYING LITTLE BOY AND GIRL AT A GRAVE MARKER. FREEZE FRAME ON THEIR TEARY FACES.

Don’t let Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite know your name. Vote for life. Vote for Ms. Pickles.

CUT TO VIDEO OF MS. PICKLES WEARING A PINK BOW ON HER HEAD. SHE SQUAWKS.

SUPER: “I’m Ms. Pickles and I approved this ad.”

FADE TO BLACK.

Pundits wonder if this hard hitting commercial may give Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite motivation to finally withdraw from the race.

Comments

2 responses to “Pickles Airs Attack Ad”

  1. Bill Avatar
    Bill

    Sounds like Ms. Pickles is anti small business. Deaths could turn out the be a blossoming growth industry. She’s just not aware of the jobs that can be created in the mining, crafting, delivery, and installation of tombstones, to say nothing of ancillary products like caskets, embalming fluids, wreaths, sympathy cards, and facial tissue. So what if an increase in cremations might contribute to global warming, and who believes in that stuff, anyway?

  2. admin Avatar
    admin

    By jove (whoever ‘jove’ is), I think you’ve got something there, Bill.

    You are a natural in this political advertising game. Maybe Pickles is indeed anti small business, or maybe even anti death. Is America ready for a leader who wants immortality for us all? Can we afford the Medicare bills? It could be our demise.

    Thanks, Bill, for your savvy observations. And do give my best to jove.

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