He changed his mind

Randy Snogslougher changed his opinion before he snapped

For the first time in recorded history, a person’s opinion was changed at a Thanksgiving dinner.

On Thursday, November 28, at 1:42 p.m., Tom Wheddlekupp engaged in a spirited debate with his brother-in-law, Randy Snogslougher on the Affordable Care Act during his family’s annual Thanksgiving dinner celebration. The men had almost come to blows in previous years as they debated politics and religion over bites of turkey, mashed taters and cranberries, but amazingly, Snogslougher yielded to his brother-in-law and agreed that “people shouldn’t have to die because they don’t have affordable health insurance.” The table of 14 adults and the adjacent kid’s table of six was aghast at the shifted point of view.

“Most times, those two face off and don’t give an inch on nothing,” said Sarah Wheelekupp, the hostess of the dinner.

Unfortunately, at 1:56 p.m., Mr. Snogslougher brutally killed his brother-in-law with an electric knife. “I couldn’t take that guy’s pinko crap any longer,” he said as he was led from the family home in handcuffs. “I hope they have better turkey in prison. Ours was a little dry this year.”