Sen. Ted Cruz wants to make it crystal clear that he is pro-life and pro-gun.

The portly bag of crap from Texas has been acting like a tough guy since the tragic Uvalde massacre that left 19 children and two adult teachers dead.

“This thing wouldn’t have happened if those kids and teachers had been armed,” Republican Cruz tells The Lint Screen. “And I wholeheartedly reject those who say 18-year-olds are too young to buy and own guns. I firmly believe the right to bear arms begins at conception. That’s when life begin. And that’s when your rights as an American begins. And our forefathers wanted all of us to be heavily armed.”

Cruz supports the pre-Handmaid’s Tale anti-abortion laws Texas and many other states have enacted.

“From the moment of conception, we must protect that citizen,” Cruz says. “And if that fetus wants a small firearm to protect itself from being aborted, we should help it by God. Everyone has a right to defend themself, no matter what the age.”

The Senator, who has no shame, believes all Americans have the right to own as many guns as they can afford.

“I think gun ownership could be real game changers for kids,” he claims. “They’ll be able to negotiate higher allowances for themselves, get better grades to get into better schools, and defend themselves on social media. People with guns get a lot more likes on social media.”

Cruz believes it is crucial children have the proper weapon for their needs. “Since young kids may not have the best aim, they should have some serious firepower––something like an AR-15. A semi-automatic rifle makes a lot of sense. It allows you to blanket your target, and you can even use your weapon for cooking bacon. I did it in a TV ad when I was running.”

The Trump lapdog smiles. “Protecting yourself and cooking bacon, what could be better than that?”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.