The man once known as America’s Mayor is now branded America’s Lying Deadbeat Loser.

Rudy Giuliani’s lies have finally caught up to him. After losing a defamation suit and being charged fines of $148 million, the trash talker has declared bankruptcy.

“It’s crazy how the stupid law works,” Giuliani tells The Lint Screen. “Why can’t I say whatever I want and ruin two people’s lives to help Donald Trump stay in power? But the liberal laws apparently say that’s not allowed. It’s ridiculous. What about my right to free speech?”

Giuliani is scrambling to raise money and has organized various events, including a yard sale, a bake sale, and selling autographed 8″ x 10″ glossies.

“I’ve made a lot of calls to President Trump,” Giuliani says. “And I’m confident he’ll back me up financially.” The despondent man shakes his head, watering the lawn with hair dye. “I guess his phone must be on the fritz because I haven’t heard back from him yet. But I know he’ll come through for me. That’s what friends do, and I’m his bestie.”

The tragic man walks the yard and points to an upholstered chair.

“The president almost sat here once,” he says wistfully. “But I’m willing to let it go for $105 million. Okay, maybe $104.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.