A gun offers protection and makes a dandy bookmark.In Georgia, like many states, we seek protection against the devil and his kin.
So, I’m happy to report we recently passed laws to make it legal to take your firearms with you to church. This means you can keep your sidearm close at hand as you rifle through the Good Book.
It’s about time.
Some say places of worship should be quiet, contemplative and peace-loving, but that’s just the way Satan likes to bait his hook. You’re sitting there with hands folded in prayer and SHAZAM, here comes some nutcase with an AK-47 who wants to kill everyone because his 8-track player broke while he was listening to Black Oak Arkansas or he thinks Glenn Beck told him to extract justice any way he sees fit. Well, Churchie McPeacie, there you are–– an easy target. You’re a sitting duck in a pew about to be bullet fodder!
But if you’re packing heat, you can take that evil-filled varmint down toot-sweet and get back to asking God to go easy on the sixth commandment because it was self defense, after all. While you’re at it, you might ask if He’d givith you a few number tips for the PowerBall lottery, or some pony picks in an upcoming race.
Pass the collection plate and pass the ammo, Sister!Guns in places of worship make perfect sense in these crazy times. But please, remember that silence is golden and also remember the golden rule.
Kindly refrain from firing your guns into the ceiling when services are complete. It sends a bad signal.
A buddy film where the buddies hate each other. Sweet.This summer, the temperatures have averaged two degrees cooler than hell, so everyone is looking for reasons to get out of the heat and into the cool. Here’s two flicks worth the money to get you into your nearby air conditioned cineplex: The Other Guys and Scott Pilgrim vs The World.
Both of these movies are extremes, meaning you’ll love them or hate them. This is as art should be.
If you like your comedy silly, sophomoric and played straighter than an arrow lying on the Nebraska plains, The Other Guys fits the bill.
In one tidy package you have the quintessential spoof of the buddy cop film genre. The opening car chase alone is worth the price of admission with Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne (don’t call me ‘The Rock’) Johnson in hot pursuit. But this is just the appetizer.
Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg play partners, the twist is Wahlberg detests Ferrell. Their captain is Michael Keaton (remember when he used to be bigger than Tom Hanks?). Keaton is terrific. I’d forgotten how great his comic sensibilities are and it’s nice to see him back trotting his comedic chops.
Ferrell is pretty subdued for Ferrell– his character is an accountant. The real gem is Wahlberg who plays it so straight one wonders if his face was epoxied to keep from busting a gut.
I’m not saying anything else except if you’re looking for a nice diversion from your Mensa meetings, this is it.
Love is never as easy as you’d think it would be, is it?As for Scott Pilgrim vs The World, well, it failed miserably in its opening weekend and Hollywood insiders are predicting this could be one of the great bombs of recent history. What a pity if it turns out to be true.
This film directed by Edgar Wright (Shaun of The Dead and Hot Fuzz) is completely fresh. I’m not familiar with the graphic novel comic books the film is based on, and I generally don’t care for geek fare, but this movie entertained me throughout. The graphics, the writing, the music, the risks it takes are all bold. I imagine the sensibilities will be too much for some people and that they’ll leave after the first 20 minutes. Bye bye.
But if you’re intrigued, if you’re looking for something out of the norm, this is the cheese.
Yes, Micael Cera plays the typical Michael Cera role, but he makes sense for this character. He’s a slacker bassist in a band and has been searching for love and coming up snake eyes for a long time. He confused, complex, sincere and insincere– just like a real live human being.
The movie’s got action, adventure, a great soundtrack, laughs, terrific effects, Canadian cityscapes and angst galore.
If this bombs at the box office, I suspect it will kill on DVD. See it while you can on the big screen. It’s well worth coming out of the heat to see.
See both films. They’re a couple of the better movies so far this year.
Ten months after painful hip replacement surgery (read all about it in a revealing 19-part series in the ‘Hip Replacements’ category of The Lint Screen), post production has finally been completed on the sequel to “The Beard”, a stunning new art film entitled “Le Hair de Hip” exploring one man’s dilemma with another man’s facial hair.
Grab the Milk Duds and enjoy the film. Be sure to stay through the credits, give your review and share this little video like corn on the cob at a fiddle competition.
The happy loving couple done got hitched real good!I suppose it was kind of a big deal to be one of “Triple-A” guests invited to attend Chelsea Clinton’s fab $3 million wedding to Marc Mezvinsky, but if you’re invited you can’t exactly give the ol’ ‘hi-hat’, especially if you’re an F.O.B. and F.O.H.
So, off to Rhinebeck, New York we went.
For a wedding gift, we weren’t sure where the couple was registered so we went with the failsafe gift every newlywed couple needs and loves: an Oster Waffle Iron. As an added bonus, we gave a mouse pad with a cute illustration of a pelican and the clever saying “Who wants fish for supper? I do!”
Cute, meet practical! You just can’t go wrong with the classics.
Here are seven observations about the Clinton affair, er, Clinton daughter wedding.
1. The ceremony was beautiful. The happy couple exchanged vows that included some lyrics from Air Supply songs, Dr. Phil books and helpful tips from Chilton Auto Repair Manuals.
2. Some of the guests in attendance were surprising: Mike Score from Flock of Seagulls, Burt Reynolds, Mary Cheney, Jack Klugman, Eminem, The San Diego Chicken, Marion Barry, James Gandolfini, Paula Dean, Sarah Palin, Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin, Jon “Bowzer” Bauman from Sha Na Na, Donald Sutherland, Seve Ballesteros and Ron Popeil.
3. I think $3 million would get you better fare than rigatoni and meatballs, tossed salad, green beans and steamship round beef with mini rolls. The Pepperidge Farm cookies were a nice touch though.
4. Having a cash bar seemed a little tight-fisted also. I suppose most of the $3 million went into wedding planning. Those people are pricey.
5. The cake was magnificent; I’m thinking Duncan Hines at the least. Only problem was that the decorator couldn’t spell and wrote Congradulations instead of Happy Wedding Day, Y’all!”
6. It may have been the wildest hokey-pokey and chicken dances I’ve ever seen. That Bill Clinton can cut him some rug, and Hillary doing the limbo– classic!
7. A good time was had by all, except Ron Popeil. Apparently he wasn’t the only one giving a Showtime Rotisserie for a wedding gift.
If you’ve ever poked around the ol’ Lint Screen, you may have come across a section called ‘About da Blog.’ Much like any good mission statement, this page clearly sets forth the Raison d’être (French for ‘Raisin Bran’) of this intellectual public forum. This page also includes a request for pictures of squirrels dressed as blacksmiths, for no other reason than I had never seen one and thought the rest of humanity might enjoy rodents dressed as metallurgical artisans.
Lo and behold, a few pictures came forward, and now the world can see these wonders. Now, one of the masters of squirrel art has forged beyond blacksmithing to ‘squirrel dentistry.’ Mr. Scott Day, a young man looking to make a name in the marketing world, recently shared the following image for me and for you.
Open wide, rinse, spit, enjoy. Click and enjoy the wonders of rodent dentistry.
Now that BP has officially decided to dump CEO Tony Hayward almost 100 days following the Deepwater Horizon catastrophic oil spill, the British executive is updating his resume and preparing to attack the job market. Like a chess master, Hayward contemplates his next move. “I reckon the world will be my oyster,” said a confident Hayward sipping champagne from a 24-Karat solid gold jewel-encrusted chalice on his yacht, “and I plan to slurp it down my gullet and spit out a perfect pearl.”
Asked what his particular strengths are, Hayward became reflective then gushed, “I suppose my strongest suit is my ability to connect with people. I understand human nature and how commoners think. I am unique in my chameleon-like dexterity to adapt to the thinking process of neanderthals and serve up whatever drivel will appease the masses. It’s a gift, actually, my uncanny knack for relating to the lower classes.”
“I’m also quite gifted at cutting costs. I can size up any business quickly and immediately see where the fat lies, then make the tough decisions to trim away the fat leaving nothing but lean, muscular profits. For example, I’d be a perfect CEO for British Airways. I suspect they waste hundreds of millions of pounds on silly things like maintenance and servicing aircraft. I’d see to it that the company shored-up its operations and eliminated expenses like routine maintenance in favor of only fixing things when they fail. This would take the saved expenses directly to the bottom line where they would blossom into sweet, beautiful, magnificent profits. I could do the same thing for just about any business. Nuclear power plants? No need for costly inspections, simply stay the course and keep your fingers crossed. If things go all squiffy, then fix it. But why turn profits into expenses before you have to? It’s not terribly good business. It’s this kind of innovative thinking, along with a firm philosophy of paying good money for lobbyists and politicians, that make me a premier executive any company would be lucky to have at the helm!”
Mr. Hayward will be available for new employment opportunities in October.
