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Trump Wants “Very Tough Prosecution” For Individual 1
Donald J. Trump is a man who deeply believes in justice and the rule of law. He came by The Lint Screen offices to discuss his views. “I’m someone who wants to right wrongs,” the president said. “Last week’s testimony from Cohen was nothing but a bunch of lies. Cohen should go to prison for…
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Sessions Pursuing Career In Pornography
Match Game host Gene Rayburn famously said, “A door opens, you get kicked out that door, it slams behind you, but the door to a new world of opportunity opens up. That’s some crazy f’in sh*t!” Witness former Attorney General Jeff Sessions. The diminutive pilot fish was recently killed by his shark, but he lives…
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Troops Deployed From Border To Forests
President Trump sure knows how to be commander-in-chief! After deploying over 5,000 troops to the southern United States border for protection against the horrendously dangerous caravan, the Big Fella made an executive decision to send the soldiers out west and is putting them on clean-up duty instead. “The president wants to stop all the western…
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Trump Blames God For World Problems
The president made it clear today he doesn’t care how powerful you are–– if you refuse his “embrace” you are in serious trouble. Today Donald Trump called The Lint Screen and began an epic rampage against God The Almighty. “Look, I like God,” Trump said. “He’s a good guy, good work ethic. Did some amazing…
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Meet Matt Whitaker, A Fair & Balanced A.G.
Now that the disloyal dwarf Jeff Sessions has resigned as Attorney General, President Trump has named Matthew G. Whitaker acting A.G. The Lint Screen met with Mr. Whitaker as he was working out at a local gym. Here is our exclusive interview. TLS: Congratulations, Mr. Whitaker, on becoming the acting Attorney General. MGW: There’s no…
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Deadly Caravan Threatens USA; Only One Man Can Save Us
The treacherous, ravaging “caravan” is making a beeline to the United States border at blinding speeds of two-to-four miles an hour, and it presents such an existential threat, Lady Liberty needs a change of underwear. A mysterious patriot named John Miller called The Lint Screen offices to give the details. “Listen, this caravan is like…