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Trump Proposes Reduced Postage For Holiday Packages
In an effort to unite the country during these troubled times, President Trump thinks we should give a present to generous people. “The Christmas season is coming up,” the president told The Lint Screen, “that means a lot of mailing for gift givers. While my economy is the best ever in American history, an incredible…
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Trump And Cruz Make Houston Crowd Antsy
Last night, former bitter enemies Ted Cruz and Donald J. Trump had a mutual lovefest in front of 16,000 people in Houston’s Toyota Center during a rally for Cruz’s re-election. “It was really something,” said Ernie Stipman of Victoria, Texas. “Those two guys obviously love each other a bunch. The president said Ted was beautiful,…
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The Absolute Truth Behind The Missing Journalist
“Jamal Khashoggi did indeed die in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul,” Abdullah Ahmad, a spokesperson for the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia told The Lint Screen. “But the circumstances around his unfortunate death are not what people suspect.” According to Ahmad, when Khashoggi entered the Saudi consulate in Istanbul on August 2, his goal was simply…
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Angry Democrat Mobs Terrorize Nation, Make Children Cry
It’s even worse than you feared! Sean Hannity, the North Star of Fox News Channel, recently warned viewers that mobs of angry Democrats are out of control and a threat to our nation. Sure enough, the Moses of hair parts was correct! All over America, angry libs are gathering like moths to a tiki torch…
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Saudi Deputy Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman Is The Greatest Man Ever!
The Lint Screen has decided after extensive and exhaustive research that the best human being to have ever graced the Earth is Saudi Deputy Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. Our editorial staff believes he is a leader for the ages with his progressive ideas (women driving cars–– what a radical notion!!!) and his warm, welcoming…
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Senior Trump Official Claims Kavanaugh Protesters Are “Paid Stooges”
If you believe some people do not think Brett Kavanaugh is a dream Supreme Court Justice, dream again, silly goose! A senior Trump administration official claims the alleged protesters against Kavanaugh are on the payroll of evil liberal kingpin George Soros. “Don’t be duped, morons,” Stevie Granger, senior counsel to the president told The Lint…