And it came to pass that the glorious two met, the brothers in nuclear arms. The Lint Screen was there with this transcript from the first face-to-face conservation between Donald J. Trump and Kim Jong-un.

DT: Hello, Kimmie. I call you Kimmie because you are my friend.

KJ: Hello, Mr. T.

DT: I call Putin Pootie. My nickname.

KJ: Clever.

DT: Kimmie, I’m sure we’re going to have tremendous chemistry and forge an incredible relationship. We’ll have amazing talks. The best talks.

KJ: Absolutely. For sure. Dude.

DT: We are two of the world’s greatest leaders. Ever. Much better than Justin Trudeau. He’s dishonest.

KJ: Weak.

DT: Lots of people think I’ll win a Nobel Prize for meeting you and bringing about peace in the world.

KJ: I will win NBA Championship.

DT: Done. You’ve won it. I will invite you and Dennis Rodman to the White House. Not the Golden State Warriors. They’re very unAmerican. I’ll deport Steph Curry.

KJ: I learned how to drive at age three.

DT: I have a very good brain.

KJ: My brain is the smartest ever.

DT: I had the largest inauguration crowd in history.

KJ: When I was nine, I won yachting races.

DT: I invented yachts. Water, too.

KJ: I have had people killed. Many people.

DT: I would have people killed if it weren’t for the stupid Congress. Laws are very strict. Too strict.

KJ: I put my uncle in front of a firing squad.

DT: I hate Congress. And the fake news media.

KJ: Chicks dig me.

DT: Me, too. Women find me irresistible. My hair is real. Go on, touch it.

KJ: Bouncy, full of body. I do not use product in my hair. Feel.

DT: Very soft. Manageable. Nice.

KJ: I invented hair.

DT: I invented heads. They’re a good place to keep hair.

KJ: I can do one-arm push-ups.

DT: I do no arm push-ups.

KJ: I can levitate.

DT: I can fly. Like a rocket. So help me, God.

KJ: You are an impressive man, Mr. T.

DT: Thanks, Kimmie. I want all your nuclear weapons. Give them to me.

KJ: Sure. Give me all of America’s wealth, and a reality TV show. And a dancing monkey who makes cotton candy. I like cotton candy.

DT: You are a shrewd negotiator, Kimmie. Let’s keep talking.

KJ: Where is Wayne Brady?

DT: ‘Let’s Make A Deal’ Wayne Brady?

KJ: Yes.

DT: Smart.

THE MEN SHOOK HANDS, AND TRUMP HOISTED MR. KIM ON HIS SHOULDERS AND PARADED HIM AROUND TRIUMPHANTLY.

Their meeting was a resounding success.