Kushner’s Exclusive Interview

Jared Kushner is the man charged with achieving peace in the Middle East, solving America’s opioid crisis, criminal justice reform, U.S. diplomacy with Mexico and China, reforming care for veterans, and reinventing our entire government to make it work like a business.

One would think a man with so much on his plate would have bags under his eyes, but Jared doesn’t. He simply stares his vacant glare. I asked him to brief The Lint Screen readers on his progress addressing the many tasks on his “honey-do” list. Here is the complete transcript:

J. KUSHNER:

Eleven hours later, Mr. Kushner left. His shirt still crisp, his stare still vacant, and our optimism still resolute we have the right man for the jobs.