President Donald J. Trump is a very busy man. When he’s not bringing about world peace, making new pals with strong and very talented leaders, he is spreading love and compassion for all of humanity.
The big man called The Lint Screen today for some exclusive quotes about the recent brouhaha at the border.
“I had to do something,” the prez said, “the evil Democrats were stealing crying babies from their parents and locking them up. I’m sure Nancy Pelosi and Crooked Hillary were going to dip the poor kids in vats of hot oil. Then, Chuck Schumer would stick the crispy little buggers with sharp spears. That’s not right. That’s bad. Very bad. And frankly, it’s not very American.”
Trump cracked open a Diet Coke and continued.
“This was a big problem, separating parents from their kids, even if the parents are illegals and probably rapists and murders or members of MS-13. But the kids? The kids are probably pretty innocent. I mean, most of the kids probably are. Maybe not all of them, but most of them are fine. Good kids. Maybe a little criminal, stealing things, lighting fires, making bombs. There’s always some bad apples. Anyway, I couldn’t stand by and watch the Democrats rip innocent babies away from their criminal families. So, I took action. That’s what I do. I’m very good at taking action. I’m like a presidential action figure. Much better than Obama, everyone says so. And I was incredible on ‘The Apprentice’–– did an amazing job. Much, much better than Schwarzenegger.”
Trump could be heard patting himself on the back.
“So I went to Congress, and I said don’t take these kids from their parents. I told the lawmakers they had to fix this problem. They need to get the money to build my wall. The wall will solve everything. A big, beautiful wall will keep illegal parents and their kids out. That will protect them from the horrible Democrats. And since over 2,000 kids are still missing, I told the dairy companies to put all their faces on milk cartons. That always works. We’ll find them. I know we will. I love children. I’m a very loving man, everyone says so.”
Trump took a deep breath.
“And Mueller needs to call off his very unfair witch hunt. There was absolutely no collusion. It’s a total witch hunt. Complete disgrace.”
17 responses to “Trump Saves Children From “Evil Democrats””
[…] VP: Good. Blame it on the Democrats. […]
[…] and his children are honest and love America. He wants to make America great again, and he will if the dastardly Democrats don’t rig the […]
[…] then have abortions. Trump is the chosen one! Only he can save us from Biden and AOC, the mob of Democrat desperadoes. Wake up America! The caravan is coming, the caravan is coming! Build the wall! Cage the children! […]
[…] “Democrats have always hated God,” Trump lawyer Michael van der Veen said. “They are led by Satan, so naturally, they hate Donald Trump. They refuse to acknowledge that Trump is The Chosen One our Lord has sent to save mankind.” […]
[…] to save us from eternal damnation. Trump came here to make America great again and save us from the evil Democrats and Satan. Americans need to praise Trump! If they don’t, they’ll suffer the […]
[…] confuses voters. So we’re going to eliminate anyone who is not a Republican candidate. These evil Democrats and wimpy Independents are mucking up the works. We’ll take that confusion out of the process […]
[…] may have to send some thoughts and prayers to our Democrat friends,” McConnell said with a sly smile. “They need […]
[…] DON JR: Democrats are evil bastards! […]
[…] “The Democrats are trying to make politics out of a little misunderstanding,” Mitch says. “So what if a few patriots came to their seat of government to protest an unfair election? Big deal. We Republicans believe this is still America and white people have a right to beat police officers, threaten to hang the Vice President, invade private offices, poop on the floor of government buildings, and damage federal property. And just because a few people died in the bargain doesn’t mean we should shut down their white people freedoms with silly investigations.” […]
[…] in Texas, we can get the boys in Washington to pass it as a national law. If we don’t stop the liberal loonies who want to vote as they like, we’ll never save […]
[…] people think it’s some black magic juice drug funded by George Soros that turns people into Bible-burning democracy-hating socialists. I’m just an ex-wrasslin’ coach who kept quiet about a pervert doctor pawing the private […]
[…] their repulsion. The RNC voted to censure Cheney and Kinzinger, the only GOP politicians sitting on The Democratic Party witch hunt called The January 6 Committee Investigating the Capitol […]
[…] awful,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “The Democrat commies claim my supporters invaded The Capitol, beat up cops, and caused lots of damage. That never […]
[…] This outburst ignites crazy in the eyes of Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. She elbows McCarthy in the head and steps forward. “And we must protect President Trump from prosecution for trying to overthrow the peaceful transfer of power. We want to make him emperor for life! He is The Chosen One sent here to save us from Jewish lasers in space and liberals grooming children.” […]
[…] “The Democrats indoctrinate innocent children, forcing them to crossdress, pick their pronouns, have gender reveal parties at age six, study critical race theory, and burn Bibles,” she declared, shaking her head in disgust. “The woke crowd want to teach children about slavery, which was was just a little misunderstanding––but the liberal loonies want to paint our glorious history in a negative way. Why can’t we let sleeping dogs lie?” […]
[…] They will steal our desserts, take the batteries out of our TV remotes, and turn off our hot water. The evil Democrats want to take our gas stoves and make us flush our toilets many times. So many times. They are not […]
[…] Trump’s wall from being built. But they stole the election from him, and now we have Joe Biden drinking children’s blood and killing puppies for […]