Now that the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, after fifteen rounds of voting, has elected Rep. Kevin McCarthy as its “Speaker Bitch,” he prepares to make his first statement.

McCarthy stands to the microphone and smiles. He says, “We’re ready to get down to business.” Chairman of the Judiciary Committee, Rep. Jim Jordan, pushes him aside and starts yelling. 

“And we will hold investigations into Hunter Biden’s laptop,” he bellows. “Because that is the most pressing issue to Americans right now. We believe Hillary’s emails on Hunter’s laptop, along with the plans for Benghazi and recipes for serving tender young children as dinner entrees.”

Rep. Steve Scalise kicks McCarthy in the crotch and interrupts Jordan. “Speaking of children,” he butts in, “We just passed legislation outlawing the abortions of toddlers. Although it’s never happened, we want to stop it immediately. Republicans know women want old white men to make lots of abortion laws, so they don’t have to be responsible for their bodies.”

Rep. Matt Gaetz wants some attention, so he slugs McCarthy in the gut and begins shouting, “And we’re going to stop the federal government from interfering with citizens’ lives. Feds are making us pay taxes, arresting MAGA patriots for storming The Capitol, and beating cops because they don’t like election results. They also want to prosecute adult men for sex trafficking teenage girls. We can’t have the government restricting our freedoms!”

This outburst ignites crazy in the eyes of Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. She elbows McCarthy in the head and steps forward. “And we must protect President Trump from prosecution for trying to overthrow the peaceful transfer of power. We want to make him emperor for life! He is The Chosen One sent here to save us from Jewish lasers in space and liberals grooming children.”

Newly-elected Rep. George Santos sees his opportunity, kicks McCarthy in the butt, and makes his first official statement.

“We’re going to make American life better,” Santos says. “And that’s the absolute truth. Trust me.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a traveling circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Run away and join the circus––click here for a helluva fun ride.