Poor, poor, Rep. Kevin McCarthy. The shameless Trump sycophant sold his soul long ago, but that wasn’t enough to make his Republican Congressional colleagues happy.

McCarthy always wanted to be Speaker of The House when he grew up, and now the pitiful bastard is promising to do whatever it takes to secure the necessary 218-votes for him to become the leader.

The sleazy schmuck Rep. Matt Gaetz told McCarthy he would get his vote if he promised to make a “special concession” for him.

“Kevin needs to change the age of consent laws,” Gaetz said. “Women are growing up so fast now. It doesn’t seem fair to deny the lovely ladies a chance to be with a sexy Florida Congressman. Especially when the girls can earn some extra allowance money.”

McCarthy agreed to Gaetz’s demand and will work on passing legislation to lower the age. 

But that isn’t enough to lure the votes of other Republican Representatives.

“I’m pretty handy,” McCarthy tells The Lint Screen, “and I promised to clean the toilets and gutters of any Republican representative who votes for me. Those are dirty jobs, but I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t mind getting his hands or tongue filthy. Ask President Trump. I’ll do whatever it takes to get the job done.”

McCarthy also must appease the GOP’s lunatic fringe caucus.

“The moment I become Speaker,” he brags, “we’ll begin looking into the Benghazi-Hunter Biden-Hillary’s-emails-children-eating stories. We’ve got to expose the hidden truth!”

Kevin McCarthy crosses his arms in a confident pose.

“I look forward to working on behalf of what’s really important to the American people,” he says. “And that includes getting to the bottom of the Bernie Sanders exotic dancing scandal. It’s an outrage!” 

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