Kevin McCarthy suffered public humiliation as he groveled and kissed asses galore to become Speaker of The House, but that was just a taste of the lunacy the new House of Representatives will deliver to the American public.

On the first official day of the 118th Congress, two queens of crazy, Rep. Lauren Boebert and Rep. Marjorie Taylor-Greene, squared off in the ladies’ room outside of The Chambers. Boebert, who sided with cretin teen girl sex trafficker Matt Gaetz, opposed McCarthy in his Speakership bid. Greene was on “Team Kev” and was angry with those obstinate Representatives who fought 15 ballot votes to get McCarthy elected Speaker.

A transcript of their confrontation follows.

LB: Well, well, well, look who’s here––if it isn’t Kevin’s little Barbie-wannabe bitch.

MTG: Watch it, Boe-dirt. Don’t you go and be knocking my man.

LB: Man? Ha! McCarthy’s no man. Trump castrated that spineless suck-up long ago. The Donald displays Kevin’s manhood on his mantle in Mar-a-Lago. You might be able to see it with a microscope.

MTG: Watch what you’re saying about our new leader, bitch, or I’ll smack you so hard you’ll… you’ll be… you’ll be really, really sorry. I mean it! And your face will hurt too.

LB: Don’t make me laugh, blondie. Your slaps would feel like mosquito wings brushing against my skin.

MTG: I’m serious, Boe-dirt, you little Gaetz-skank. I’m sitting on the Kick-Ass Committee and am about to open a can of whoop-ass on you.

LB: Oh, yeah, tough stuff? Are you packing?

MTG: What?

LB: Are you strapping?

MTG: No. Kevin’s not into S&M. He says it hurts too much.

LB: Not that kind of strapping, idiot. Are you armed? Do you have a gun?

MTG: Of course not. We’re in The Capitol.

LB: Well, cupcake, I’m always packing. And trust me––you do NOT want me drawing down on you.

MTG: You’re not allowed to have guns in here. I’m going to tell Kevin you’re––

LB: You’re not telling that little turd anything, teacher’s pet. Now, get out of here before I unload on you.

MTG: But I have to pee.

LB: You do? Really? Look––what’s that yellow puddle you’re standing in?

MTG: Oh. I must have–

LB: Scram, blondie. Go running back to McCarthy. Maybe the next time you see me, you’ll have one of those Jewish lasers from outer space.

(THE BATHROOM DOOR OPENS, AND SEN. LINDSAY GRAHAM WALKS IN AND SPEAKS)

LG: Hello, ladies. Would one of you be an absolute angel and let me borrow a dab of rouge? I’m whiter than a MAGA rally.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.