The GOP received a late Christmas gift with news of classified documents discovered in the properties of President Joe Biden.

“This is the worst thing that has ever happened in American history,” a smug Rep. Jim Jordan tells The Lint Screen. Jordan, flexing his new power as Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, is licking his chops in gleeful anticipation of the news cycles this story will command.

“Biden is in our crosshairs,” Jordan crows. “What he did by hiding secret documents absolves anything Donald Trump ever did. Biden’s carelessness is much worse, so Trump deserves a fresh slate. We’ll lift his two impeachments and demand all lawsuits against Trump get dropped.”

Jordan says he is “deeply disturbed” by the extreme danger he may have put our country in by his “blatant assaults against normal protocol.”

The former Ohio State wrestling coach shakes his head. “Marjorie Taylor Greene told me Biden’s documents may have contained nuclear codes that Hunter stole and sold to the Chinese for a bag of opium and an iPod. We don’t know, but anything’s possible.”

Jordan grins. “To think the Democrats made such a big hairy deal out of some lost tourists accidentally traipsing into our Capitol on January 6, 2021––that was small potatoes compared to this obvious breach of the nation’s trust. Matt Gaetz thinks those secret documents could be Dr. Fauci’s formula for Covid 19. And George Santos says Biden just can’t be trusted. Americans must have faith in the integrity of their leaders.”

The Buckeye blowhard cackles. “I want every American to know we will get to the bottom of this. And until we put the Biden crime family in the stockades, we must absolve any minor misunderstandings Donald Trump may have had in his political life. After all, fair is fair.”

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