Holland Bar in Hell’s Kitchen seemed an odd spot to meet a couple multi-millionaire media stars, but The Lint Screen recently descended into this dive bar to eavesdrop on a conversation between Fox Newsman Bill O’Reilly and NBC Anchor Brian Williams. The two tall men sat at the end of the bar with tumblers of scotch and commiserated on their recent troubles.
BO: It’s a media hit job, the whole thing they’re pulling on me.
BW: I hear you, pal. The wolves sharpened their teeth on my ass.
BO: Know what their problem is?
BW: They’ve got no imagination?
BO: Of course, that, but their real problem is they can’t stand integrity, and it irks the hell out of them that some journalists still got it.
BW: Guys like you and me.
BO: Right. Guys putting ourselves on the line to get the story.
BW: The whole story. It’s why I go in harm’s way.
BO: And why I wrote my “Killing” book series. Hell, I didn’t even write about being on the grassy knoll when Kennedy bought the farm.
BW: Really? You must have been pretty young.
BO: Thirteen, fourteen, or something. But even then, I had a nose for the news. I sensed a story was unfolding in the land our forefathers called Texas.
BW: What a coincidence, I call it Texas, too.
BO: Hey, barkeep! (O’Reilly shouts) Want to fill my glass, or do I have to die from dehydration down here? (To BW) Service in America sucks. There’s no compassion whatsoever.
BW: Service sector needs to focus on humanity.
BO: My point exactly. (To bartender as he pours scotch into his glass) Don’t be shy, buddy, if you expect a good tip. And do my friend here again.
BW: Thanks, Bill.
(The bartender finishes pouring and steps to the other end of the bar.)
BO: Where was I?
BW: The grassy knoll.
BO: Right. Shots rang out and…
BW: I was on the plane, you know…
BO: The plane? What plane?
BW: Air Force One. With LBJ getting sworn in. Poor Jackie, she looked so sad. That dress was absolutely ruined.
BO: Really? You were there? You must have been a little kid.
BW: I was four, I think. Yeah, a kid, I guess…
BO: That’s amazing.
BW: Well, like you, I guess I had a nose for news.
BO: And that’s why all the other media pinheads hate us–– they despise that we do the job.
BW: It’s all about the story. Doing whatever it takes to get the story.
BO: Right. And others are too lazy to go find the story behind the story, and that so often is the story! So what do they do? They come gunning for guys like us.
BW: Exactly.
BO: You like this scotch?
BW: Sure. It’s smoky, nice full-bodied flavor.
BO: It’s my recipe. I sold it to a distillery. Told them to keep my name off the bottle. I don’t want to be whoring booze. Might ruin my credibility.
BW: Really? That’s incredible. You created the recipe for this wonderful scotch?
BO: Yeah. Look, if a newsman doesn’t know a good drink, then who the hell does? I’ll tell you about it…