Cool Dude Considering Buying Hat
Some people have to work to appear "with it." Others are just "IT!!!" Take Chet "Two Tongs" Stewpot (his born name: John Brown). This cool cat daddy-o has always been…
A 2015 Conversation With Don Draper
"Mad Men" has officially retired, but its star, Don Draper (AKA "Tricky Dickie Whitman") is still alive and well. The suits he wears these days are sweatsuits, but he still…
Fertilizer For Ivy Leaguers
The following is my commencement address to the Princeton University Class of 2015. Good afternoon. Sit, please. Enough applause already, please sit. Thanks. That was a lovely rendition of "Pomp…
An Open Letter To End “Fight of The Century”
The Lint Screen has learned that Floyd Mayweather, Jr. is scheduled to fight Manny Pacquiao tomorrow in what many are calling "The Fight of The Century"–– and we are worried…
Person Found Who Didn’t Know About Bruce Jenner’s Blockbuster Story
The Lint Screen has made the startling discovery of a man claiming no knowledge of Bruce Jenner's stunning sex change story. "Nope, I don't know what you're talking about," said…
Popeye Busted For Harshing Bluto’s Mellow
Popeye, the sailor man, has been arrested and jailed following a savage beating of his nemesis, Bluto, who was hospitalized and pressed charges. "I wasn't doing nothing," Bluto said. "I've…
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