The White House has faced extreme media scrutiny and criticism over the failings of the Obamacare website launched last month. Today it held an official press conference to address these concerns.
Spokesman Jay Carney took to the podium with a prepared statement and fielded a barrage of questions from the press corps. Here the some highlights:
+ “Six people registered on the Obamacare website on the first day, which was incredible news. That’s six people more than registered on the previous day. It’s also an amazing accomplishment when you consider the quality of television programming these days.”
+ “Website problems are to be expected. When FDR launched Social Security, I’m sure he had lots of web hiccups. I’m no historian, but I’ll bet FDR Tweeted a lot about his frustrations launching the Social Security site. Tech problems are just part of the game.”
+ “We have been consulting with a guy named Chuck from Geek Squad about fixing the website. We’re pretty confident we’ll be getting the Obamacare website up to snuff soon.”
+ “On the good news front, we’ve developed cutting edge technology that’ll allow us to send out 412 emails a day soliciting funds to support the President.”
I gave Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa my virgin eyes. Yes, it’s true–– I’d never been on the Jackass bus before. What can I say, I’m not an intellectual.
Well, I had great expectations for this movie and it was an enjoyable enough ride. Some good laughs, nice cringe moments and awkwardness abounds.
But what hurt the film was the story’s linear structure: the conceit of a narrative storyline of Irving Zisman (Johnny Knoxville) taking his eight year-old grandson, Billy (Jackson Nicoll) on a car ride from Nebraska to Raleigh so that the kid’s deadbeat dad can get the bounty of $600/month government dole.
Yes, Knoxville and Nicoll can act and have great chemistry, but why have the artifice of them not knowing they’re both shills to unsuspecting bystanders and playing their characters in character against one another? It didn’t make any sense. Were they trying for poignant emotion in a movie where scrotal humor plays large?
Having this artificial narrative played straight seemed odd. Perhaps the Jackass crew should consider the eternal wisdom of Conan O’Brien who keeps the following advice posted in his office: “Funny man, be funny.”
Oh well, the movie’s making big bucks at the box office, so I’ll just keep my big gob shut.
The ink on this horsehide makes it worth millions.
With the World Series underway, The Lint Screen is happy to continue its coverage of the world’s most valuable baseball, a story we broke back in the spring of 2010 (Part #1)(Part #2).
This ball was secured for an undisclosed sum on the internet and features autographs of some of the most impressive people in history. Let’s continue a look at the incredible baseball backstories of some of the signers.
Stevie Wonder played in a 1969 game for the Houston Astros against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Although the famous singer is sightless, he was used as a pinch hitter. The first pitch was a fastball on the outside right corner of the plate that the umpire called a strike. “What are you, blind?” Wonder said with a smile. The next pitch was a curve ball that hung over the plate. Wonder smacked a 500-foot shot over the right center field fence and trotted around the bases to deafening applause. He never played again, except for music. He played lots of music.
One of the most valuable signatures is that of Jonas Salk, the medical researcher who discovered the first polio vaccine. Salk was an enthusiastic Mets fan and was given the opportunity to pitch a game against the St. Louis Cardinals on July, 17, 1966. Salk walked the first 24 batters and was pulled. The distinguished doc was booed by angry fans. The guy sucked.
Janis Joplin had one trip to the plate for the Milwaukee Brewers in a game against the Yankees on May 28, 1970. She was hit by the first pitch, took her base, stole second, advanced to third on a error by the right fielder and scored on a sacrifice fly. “This is a day I’ll never forget,” the famous singer told reporters after the game. “What is it, like Tuesday or something?”
The Boston Red Sox used Desmond Tutu as a designated hitter on August 14, 1989 in a game against the Baltimore Orioles. Tutu struck out twice, was thrown out following a bunt and floated a single into left field. “I may be the best player ever,” he said following the game. “I rock royally, bitches!”
The 80’s pop sensation Wham! played on the Seattle Mariners in a game against the Texas Rangers on September 3, 1984. George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley shared a uniform and pinch hit rocking a grand slam homer over the centerfield fence. The Mariners tried to sign the duo to a multi-year deal but the pop stars declined. “Rockers get more chicks than ball players,” George Michael said.
Other notables who signed the is baseball were legendary center fielder and astronomer Copernicus (a surprisingly good infielder), Cher’s first husband and golden-gloved Irish rocker Bono (who had a pea shooter for an arm), and epic base stealer, director Alfred Hitchcock.
If you’d like to make a bid on this baseball, make an offer.
Rush is one of the best movies of the year with one of the worst titles.
No, it doesn’t have Tom Hanks-type big stars in the leading roles (Daniel Brühl and Chris Hemsworth aren’t exactly box office draws), but damn if this isn’t one fine film.
Directed by Ron Howard (you may know him better as Opie Taylor or Richie Cunningham), Rush is the true story of the 1970’s Formula 1 rivalry between James Hunt and Niki Lauda. Hunt (Hemsworth) is the dashing playboy British driver and Lauda (Brühl) is the austere Austrian obsessed with engineering and winning. The story, acting and filmmaking are superb.
Get in your car and drive like hell to the theatre and see this movie. It’s not getting its due at the box office and will be slipping off big screens soon.
The Obamacare server is having some technical difficulties.
Now that the budget battle and political bickering is over, Americans interested in enrolling in the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) have been frustrated by little technical glitches, like the website not working. The Obama administration has jumped on fixing the system.
“It’s kind of embarrassing,” said an anonymous White House insider. “We’ve been telling people that government can do great things like make healthcare affordable for all Americans, but then the government can’t build a website. Meanwhile, Amazon knows if you’re even thinking about buying something and gives you fourteen suggestions.”
So far, investigators are flummoxed as to what is causing the technical difficulties. “We’ve been consulting with the technical expert heading up website operations, a tech wiz named T. Ed Cruz, but so far he’s been unable to find the problem. He said it could be a simple fix like a Microsoft upgrade. He’s looking into buying one on Amazon.”
