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In Twist, Turkey Pardons Trump From All Crimes, Awards Him Second Term
Donald J. Trump has one again shatters presidential norms! Every U.S. president since George H.W. Bush has issued a presidential pardon to a Tom Turkey in honor of Thanksgiving (but their gooses were cooked when Christmas came and their heads hit the chopping block). Not so with President Trump. The loser of his re-election bid was…
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Rudy Makes His Airtight Case For Trump’s Fraud Election Claims
Rudy Giuliani may have made his bones as the Mayor of New York City, but he will be best remembered for his heroic efforts to save democracy by ensuring President Donald J. Trump receives justice in the presidential election in which he was cheated. The following is the transcript of a recent trial in Pennsylvania…
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Melania Says Her Husband Lost, “He’s Such A Big Loser”
Melania Trump is excited she’ll be moving soon. “Donald got his butt kicked in the election,” she told The Lint Screen. “Sleepy Joe beat him by five million votes. Five million! But baby Donald has been yelling and screaming, ‘I won, I won!’ He is so angry he had the Secret Service go to an…
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Eric Says “Dems Destroyed 50 Million Ballots For Dad–– He Won!”
The Trump family sticks together like stink on a skunk. Today Eric Trump called The Lint Screen with new wild claims about the 2020 presidential election. “Dad won in a landslide,” the least-liked-by-his-father Trump son said. “The Democrats robbed him blind, and we want justice.” Eric excused himself to make a PB&J sandwich because he…
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“Daddy May Refuse To Lead America Again Because People Are So Mean,” Ivanka Says
Ivanka Trump is one hundred percent positive her father won a decisive victory in the presidential election, but even so, she says he may not serve again. “Daddy’s pretty angry,” the first daughter told The Lint Screen. “So many Americans have been mean to him and disrespectful–– even people like Fox and Friends, who he…
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Trump Consults With Richard Nixon’s Ghost, It Does Not Go Well
The White House is a sad place these days. Following Joe Biden’s decisive defeat of President Donald J. Trump in the presidential election, the mood in the Oval Office has been forlorn and embittered. The Lint Screen relays the following transcript of a recent encounter between President Trump and the ghost of ex-president Richard Nixon.…