God called another great man from the bullpen and I am sad. Paul Decker is dead at age 75.
I never met Paul, only spoke to him on the phone a couple of times, but I was a huge fan of his work. Paul lived in Portland, Oregon, and was married to the lovely Kitty O’Keefe, a financial guru who I got to know when she hunted heads in advertising.
Paul was an adman in the tradition of gadflies like Howard Gossage. An interesting man with a bouquet of varied interests. He was a terrific copywriter, creative director, producer. He once wrote a brochure for a fictitious multi-national ad agency called “Mammoth, Pervasive and Bland” as a promo piece for L.A.’s keye/donna/pearlstein. I remember straining my eyes to read his brilliant copy when it was reproduced in ad award show books.
Paul had many other interests: he DJ-ed a jazz program on a public radio station in Portland, developed radio acting classes for a high school, created animated film projects and was working on a reality TV show featuring the music and food of New Orleans. These are just some of his Cliff notes.
But his real genius was evidenced by his creation of Modern Meats, a company that allegedly manufactured tasty meat (and meat-like) creations. Paul wrote hilarious company newsletters and product announcements with wit as dry as a turtle’s tongue in the Sahara.
Paul Decker was a true humorist, a spark for a world that desperately needs more fire. He will be missed, but I’m sure many memories of the joy Paul spread to others will be served along with Modern Meats at his wake.
“The Big Guy resents that creepy bare-chested Rooskie peacocking about being attacked from outer space,” said the heavenly source who wished to remain anonymous for fear of banishments to lakes of fire for eternity. “The commie leader believes in aliens but he doesn’t believe in a Greater Power?! I mean, come on, what’s the Boss supposed to do? The G-Force called a meeting and told everyone to get the word out to Putin to ‘bring it.’ Hey, let’s face it, He can take him and his puny country out at any minute. I’d say God’s a pretty safe bet in this fight.”
There has been no response from the former Soviet Union.
Putin declares war after “hostile attack” of meteor on Friday.
Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia, has declared war on outer space following what he called “an obvious hostile attack on our great nation.”
A meteor struck near Chelyabinsk, Russia, on Friday and injured 1,200 people while damaging 4,000 buildings. According to secret sources, Putin has been “angry as a lanced boil” ever since the incident.
“We shall not let this aggressive, premeditated attack on our fair country stand,” said Putin in a televised speech earlier today. “As of today, Russia is at war with the milky way galaxy. We have thousands of nuclear weapons and we intend to use them all with extreme prejudice. And because I’m crazy for Kubrick, I plan to have Slim Pickens look a-likes riding each nuclear missile into outer space. We’ll see how funny these hostile outer space creatures think that is!”
The world stands at the ready as Russia prepares to go to war.
Following the sensation caused by the popularity of the Dodge Ram Truck Super Bowl Spot last week, the entire ad industry is abuzz trying to find the commercial’s copywriter and voice talent named Paul Harvey.
“I never heard of the guy,” said one unnamed advertising headhunter, “but I’d sure like to get a piece of this Paul Harvey character. I’ll bet I could get him into Wieden, Crispen, Goodby– you name it! This Harvey kid threw the long ball, and the first recruiter to get him is going to get a handsome payday!”
Others are excited to find Harvey for his vocal skills. “Sure, it was a nice tone poem, kid’s got some writing chops for sure,” said one agency executive, “but it was his voice that was so captivating. The guy dripped of sincerity, humanity, all that warm touchie-feelie crap, that’s money in the bank. Harvey could be the next Hal Riney, I think!”
To date, efforts to discover Paul Harvey have failed. “The guy is doing the smart thing,” said an east coast headhunter. “Slow play the hand and let the pot keep getting bigger. This Paul Harvey is nobody’s fool!”
Anyone who knows the whereabouts of Paul Harvey should contact The Lint Screen so that we may put him in touch with the proper authorities and maybe enjoy a taste of the action.
The NFL runs a thanks to its fans as real live players show up at their home. Hell, they even clean a driveway and like doing it, proving that head injuries cause brain damage.
Blackberry pimps its new phone with a special effects hoo-haw that makes the point that the phone does all kinds of stuff. Well, uh, O.K., I guess.
eTrade baby talks again. Not so cute anymore. Grow up already.
Bud Light has spots on their ‘only weird if it doesn’t work’ campaign, an idea they borrowed from “SportsCenter” way back when. These spots show sports superstitions played with Big Easy voodoo and black magic. A sixer of BL gains one access to this great power granted by Stevie Wonder! Wow-wee! Not great moments in advertising.
The Niners look lame. The lights go out in N.O. What’s going on here? Geez, are these commercials that bad?
Subway wastes buckets of money hiring various celebs telling us that “February” is hard to say and that Subway is selling subs. Thanks for the update, bun breath.
Axe Apollo introduces itself with a drowning beauty, a hungry shark and a hunky lifeguard, oh, and some guy in an astronaut outfit. Uh, long way to go for product recognition, but I guess it works.
Kia Forte shows product at car show. A nerd paws the car and cybernetic hotties toss him like a rag doll. Hey, that’s a good looking car!
Something called Gildan tee shirts advertises. Hmmm, maybe I’ll wear one with my Calvin Klein underwear.
Tracy Morgan for Mio Fit. No thanks.
Psy won’t die. The obnoxious Korean pop sensation shows us his gangham style moves cracking pistachios. Nutcracker suite? Will Psy’s 15 minutes of fame ever be up? Please!!!
Lincoln yaks about some social media dealio with Jimmy Fallon and I’m supposed to care and get on the internet to check it out and I don’t think I could care any less about this so I don’t think I will.
Speed Stick has a spot with a guy holding some panties. I’m starting to re-think my Calvin Kleins.
Is black the new beer color? Beck’s brings us Beck’s Sapphire with a singing fish. Dumb.
Budweiser goes for the heartstring long bomb with a tale of the man who raises a Clydesdale foal, it grows up and the beer company comes for its hooved asset, the man three years later goes to see the Clydies in Chicago. He is sad, but wait, the Clydesdale breaks free and runs down the street and the two embrace. Did anyone on the creative team see Equus?
What’s this year’s “Halftime in America” spot? The new one for Dodge Ram. A brilliant spot that uses the voice of Paul Harvey reading a tone poem he wrote to farmers–– matched with beautiful images honoring the American farmer. It’s a terrific spot with a great end line: “Dodge Ram: For the farmer in all of us.” And damn if Dodge Ram doesn’t just fit the bill beautifully. Great spot. Fresh, riveting. End zone dance.
Kia blows a wad of dough to answer a kid asking his parents “Where do babies come from?” Not worth going into what happens. Oh, yeah, I guess they’re in a Kia vehicle, at least I think so. I remember a panda bear and babies parachuting and the song “And the wheels on the bus..”
Tide has a great spot about a miracle “Montana Stain” and the sensation is causes. One of the best spots of night.
Mercedes CLA introduces itself in style with Willem Dafoe as the devil and the Rolling Stones singing for his sympathy and a young man imagining ruling the world from behind the wheel of this car– but hey, look at the low price, kiddo! Keep your soul, take out a bank loan. Oh wait, that’s selling your soul, too. Bring back that devil…
Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen appear in a Samsung “Next big thing” spot with Bob Odenkirk and LeBron James. Lots of big money star power, some good lines but hardly as arresting or as smart as the campaign spoofing iGeeks waiting outside Apple stores.
Not going to review every damn spot. Too much work. Actually want to see this game, so The Lint Screen is going to spotlight most of them, but not all.
Another caveat: haven’t seen any of these spots beforehand, with the exception of the Doritos “Goat” spot (oops!). Didn’t want to get caught up in the hype. Want to see the spots with virgin eyes, in the context of commercial clutter.
Before we get started, Alicia Keys nailed “The Star Spangled Banner”–– amazing. That girl is on fire.
Budweiser introduces some new beer called Black Crown with a spot that has a bunch of hipsters dressed in black and they cheer a new beer for them. Kiss that $4 million goodbye. Pitiful.
Audi has an interesting tale of a guy who goes stag to the prom in his old man’s Audi. It gives him ballsy bravery to park in the principal’s spot and kiss the beautiful prom queen. He drives home with a black eye, and hollers happily. Nice.
Hyundai Sante Fe has a cool spot with a kid getting bullied and rounding up a team of brave compadres to challenge the punks. Engaging and good.
Go Daddy braves new territory by not showing exclusive T&A. No, now they have a fat geek French kissing a beauty. I believe there was supposed to be a strategic reason for this. Something about beauty and brains. Huh?
Pepsi Next has a spot that is awful. Next.
Best Buy gets Amy Poehler and makes her recite an unfunny script. Not a great buy of talent.
Budweiser Black Crown has an obnoxious spot showing the type of obnoxious creeps who’ll drink this stuff. Goth hipsters? No thanks.
Oreos has a terrific spot using the time honored strategy of people arguing on favorite attribute of product. “Cookie” or “Cream”– but this thing is ph-resh with the debate taking place in a library, getting hyper violent but always arguing in whispers. Oh, Weiden & Kennedy, you guys kick super ass. Great spot.
Toyota Rav 4 gives us a genie who misunderstands wishes and a whacky family asking for all sorts of things. It’s a wild ride that tries awfully hard with lots of special effects and overshadows the product. One can almost smell the flop sweat the creatives had trying to score on this.
Doritos has a spot with guys dressing like princesses because the daughter of one of them has a bag od Doritos. Ah, the “Goat” spot is better than this. To repeat, Goat trumps princess. Onward.
Calvin Klein delivers more packages than UPS in a spot showing super fit dudes sporting their guchies. I feel so fat.
Go Daddy has another spot with some strategy and it’s a mess.
Milk has a nice spot with The Rock as he pursues a gallon of moo-juice before saving the world. Hardly a classic in the “Got Milk” campaign, but not bad.
Hyundai has a great spot for Turbo Sonata as it follows all sorts of awful vehicle– everything from nuclear weapons to dripping chemicals to drooling dogs–– then zips past them because “It’s better to be in front.” Very nice.
VW hits the long ball with its Minnesotan businessman who has a happy Jamaican accent and spreads his good cheer. O.K., the fit with VW Beetle is forced, would have been better for Red Stripe, but it’s a memorable spot. Also, best Super Bowl use of a Partridge Family song.
Taco Bell has a hateful spot with old people escaping their retirement home to party and get tatted and raise holy hell. But, the old coots obviously have a death wish– ending their night eating Taco Bell food.
Lincoln has stove pipe hatted 16th prez pimping its sheet metal. Illegal use of political icons.
