“The pup’s cute, I’ll give him that, but he’s weak on national security and job creation. Mr. Tuggles is concerned about getting Americans back to work. He’s hard at work on creating an employment program that works! Santy Paws seems more concerned with chasing his tail. I think my candidate’s going to neuter him, but good. Bring it, Santy Paws!”
Ossenwold said that he was disappointed his candidate was not invited to participate in the recent G.O.P. televised debate. “I think Mitt, Rick, Newt and all those tired human candidates are scaredy cats about facing this kitten. He’s such a little bundle of adorable cuteness, they can’t possibly be appealing than Mr. Tuggles. Wait until his meow roars. America is ready for some real change, and it’s not some pup peeing on newspapers, it’s a kitten who knows how to take care of business!”
Who could possibly hate the U.S. with this leader? Mr. Tuggles, the cuddly kitten from Canfield, Ohio, running for president has some serious cuteness competition! An absolutely adorable puppy named Santy Paws is coming to town and tossing his red Santa cap into the ring for the 2012 presidential election.
Many supporters believe the irresistibly cute puppy from Winter Park, Florida, is a lock for the leader of the free world role. Sam Merchant, campaign manager, believes Santa Paws has the charisma to beat the cute kitten named Mr. Tuggles and what he calls “the field of flesh puppets running for the presidency.”
“Look, there’s lots more dog people than cat people out there, and Santy Paws has everything the American public is looking for,” said the 48-year old puppy handler. “For your lefty types, Santy Paws has the gift of entitlements. For the righties, he has the gift of tax cuts and no gun control whatsoever. And for corporate types and lobbyists, this dog will hunt if the price is right. Santy Paws will not be refused by any American looking to get gifts. Why, he’s America’s dream candidate, the one we’ve been waiting for that we didn’t even dream we could have. He will give America Ho Ho Hope!”
There have been no comments made from any of the other presidential candidate campaign camps. Interesting, that.
“The people have spoken,” said campaign manager Jerry Ossenwold, “and they have spoken for cuteness over ugly politics as usual. Obama promised change, but he’s proven to be more of the same. He’s just another human doing human-y things. Mr Tuggles truly is change we can believe in and cuddle with. He’s the hope we have hoped for! Change that will change everything, with change to spare and spare change for all!”
While many speculated that the cute little kitty would run as an independent, Ossenwold announced Mr. Tuggles would join the crowded field of G.O.P. hopefuls. Already, the sweet little whiskers fella is drawing fire from his competitors.
“I hope Tuggles has nine lives,” said an unnamed tea party supporter, “because Rick Perry shoots feral varmints for sport, and Michele Bachmann has been bragging about having a killer recipe for salted kittens in a cake.”
Will kitty run? Run, kitty, run! See Kitty run! An incredibly cute kitten in Canfield, Ohio is reportedly considering a run for the Oval Office.
Mr. Tuggles, an adorable mixed breed feline, is said to be contemplating declaring his candidacy in the 2012 presidential election race. Although the kitten is not close to 35 years old, a Constitutional requirement for serving as a U.S. President, his handlers say that he has the maturity and wisdom of a 55-year old human. “Plus, I know for a fact that Mr. Tuggles was born in this country because I saw it with my own two eyes– why, it happened right there, under the sink,” said Roger Bimplow who resides in the house with the cuddly furrball of love.
Jerry Ossenwold, an advisor close to Mr. Tuggles, says that he believes the kitten will be a very strong presidential contender. “No one can match him for adorableness and fluffability, and I believe those are the things all Americans are looking for in today’s bleak economy. Mr. Tuggles also does not believe in science, mathematics, art, history or biology. In fact, he told me that he thinks too much book learning and self expression is destroying the world. I agree!”
Ossenwold would not disclose which political party Mr. Tuggles is associated with, but said that he has already been approached by many corporate lobbyists bearing catnip and saucers of milk to curry the cute kitten’s political favor.
“Should he run, I believe Mr. Tuggles will be hard to beat. He’s just so darn lovable, he’ll win paws down!” said the chubby political adviser as he rolled on the lawn and asked for his belly to be rubbed vigorously.
Life during a pandemic ain't too pretty.Contagion is a very frightening movie. Steven Soderbergh film of a Scott Z. Burns screenplay has a galaxy of stars–– Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laurence Fishburne, Jude Law, Bryan Cranston and Kate Winslet–– without any big special effects or CGI aliens, monsters or exploding cities.
Yet, the film is gripping and terrifying because the simple story is so plausible, believable and frankly expected that this is certainly how the world will react when we get our next great pandemic.
It ain’t going to be pretty, people.
This is an adult movie studded with great performances, interesting camerawork, an innovative soundtrack and some surprising twists. It also has this gem of a line: “Blogging? That’s just graffiti with punctuation.”
Contagion is hardly a feel-good movie, but it’s certainly a movie worth seeing. If you do, please try to refrain from coughing. It will only scare others.
Growing up in the late pocket of Baby Boomerdom, The Beatles were at the height of their popularity. The most common question of the day was, “Who’s your favorite Beatle?”
If your answer was John, you were an artsy rebel.
Paul, a cutesy pleaser.
If you chose George, you were the quiet loner.
And Ringo was, well, the goofy outsider.
When I was about 10, my best friend Joe would invite me and a couple other pals to his garage. He’d swipe a pack of his old man’s Raleigh cigarettes, which came with coupons for being a loyal smoker. Collect enough coupons, you could maybe get a new set of lungs.
We’d light up in his garage, wield badminton rackets as guitars and pretend that we were the Beatles, smoking ciggies and singing like in the movie A Hard Day’s Night. Now Joe, being our cordial host and supplier of smokes and the only one of us who could actually sing, Joe always picked John or Paul since those two did most of the singing. I would try to get whichever one he didn’t pick. BUT, if Ernie was there, well, Ernie would take second dibs on the basis of the fact he was much bigger than me and a bully– so as the old saying goes, “Might makes Lennon or McCartney.”
Which left being George or Ringo. My first choice of those was to be George. I was pretty awesome on lead badminton racquet, and I could muck my way through harmonies. Last choice was Ringo. Pretending to play drums with tree sticks was not so glamorous.
We’d smoke, we’d play, we’d sing. Back then, it seemed the pecking order of people I knew for favorite Beatle was #1- John, #2- Paul, #3- George and #4- Ringo. John and Paul were probably 80-90% of the picks.
George never really got his due. He was not the popular Beatle, but he did write some of the band’s greatest songs. Now Martin Scorsese will give George his due, and I for one am looking forward to it. I won’t be smoking or playing badminton racquet, but I will be missing Joe, who left the stage far too early, my youth and the innocence of days when “Who’s your favorite Beatle?” could bond you to damn near anyone.
