Tuggles Tells Santy “Bring it!”


Jerry Ossenwold (center) pontificates on Mr. Tuggles
Jerry Ossenwold, campaign manager for cute kitten prez candidate sensation Mr. Tuggles, says he is not afraid of recently announced candidate Santy Paws, a precious puppy who is scampering toward the White House.

“The pup’s cute, I’ll give him that, but he’s weak on national security and job creation. Mr. Tuggles is concerned about getting Americans back to work. He’s hard at work on creating an employment program that works! Santy Paws seems more concerned with chasing his tail. I think my candidate’s going to neuter him, but good. Bring it, Santy Paws!”

Ossenwold said that he was disappointed his candidate was not invited to participate in the recent G.O.P. televised debate. “I think Mitt, Rick, Newt and all those tired human candidates are scaredy cats about facing this kitten. He’s such a little bundle of adorable cuteness, they can’t possibly be appealing than Mr. Tuggles. Wait until his meow roars. America is ready for some real change, and it’s not some pup peeing on newspapers, it’s a kitten who knows how to take care of business!”


8 responses to “Tuggles Tells Santy “Bring it!””

  1. I’d be scared not to vote for Santy. Sure, he looks cuddly but that kitty’s got claws. Literally.

  2. Ask any dog about Santy Paws and they nod approval and wag their tails. Ask a cat about Tuggles and they ignore you. Tuggles is hiding something, and it’s big.

  3. […] Jerry Ossenwold, campaign manager for Mr. Tuggles, issued a prepared statement at the press conference held this afternoon in Walpole, New Hampshire, where the Tuggles campaign was promising residents “people who don’t live free should die a thousand pain-filled deaths” and those that vote for Mr. Tuggles in the primary “will receive gold Rolex watches, house boats and Florida time shares” for their support. […]

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