“How can we possibly put that mutt in the White House if he ain’t even housebroken? Do we want pee stains in the Oval Office? Doggie droppings all over the West Wing? Why, it would be a disgrace, outrage and terrible embarrassment for this great nation and all its people, the ones Mr. Tuggles calls ‘Americans.’ We do not need a president we have to pick up after!”
Ossenwold then asked Mr. Tuggles to join him on stage, and the precious little kitty did so– dragging a litter box with him. The crowd of jaded journalists melted with a hushed and heartfelt “Awwwwww.” Every dilated pupil in the house was on the precious little scamp.
“My candidate knows how to handle his business. And he’ll know how to handle the nation’s business. Vote Mr. Tuggles, and keep America clean and safe from accidents!”
Asked to respond to the allegations, Sam Merchant, campaign manager for Santy Paws said, “Wise guys, huh? Why I oughta– look here, see–– I’m going fix that mangy little furball but good!” and he stormed off in what observers described as “a huff.”
4 responses to “Tuggles Claims Paws Not Housebroken”
Mr. Tuggles promises no hairballs in the Oval Office, not to mention no mindless barking during cabinet meetings, press conferences or speeches to Congress.
Good points, Curvin. With this kind of brilliant insight, you might get drafted to be on the election advertising committee. If so, you might also promise no ‘leg humping’– which can be pretty distracting in negotiations with dignitaries and such.
Prospects are looking up for these four-legged candidates. Now that Sarah Palin has dropped out of the race, experts say the moron vote is up for grabs.
Yes, Bill, and the moron vote is enormous, so we’ll have to see if they’re puppy or kitty people, or people people.
Oh, it’s going to be a battle!