President Donald J. Trump has a golden gut. He felt the global pandemic might be on the horizon. He knew in his gut it was coming. “I thought it would be bad, very bad,” he told The Lint Screen. “Not just for the economy, but people, too. I care about people, everyone says so.” He … Read more

In the last couple of days, you may have noticed a new president of the United States–– one who is somber and appears concerned about humanity. This change in attitude didn’t happen by accident. “We conducted some focus groups,” explains Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, “and we found people didn’t like the idea of an unknown … Read more

Thanks to diligent dumpster diving, The Lint Screen has obtained a draft of tonight’s address by President Donald J. Trump. “Good evening, my loyal American subjects. Tonight I want to talk about the fake news you may have been seeing on CNN and other liberal looney media out to get me and destroy America. First … Read more

Ever since this whole coronavirus hub-bub, the do-nothing Democrats have wished for massive casualties because they hate America–– but fortunately, Donald J. Trump is our president! Today Trump called The Lint Screen to talk about the decisive actions his administration is taking to protect his loyal subjects. “I’ve been reading up a lot on this coronavirus,” the … Read more

The other day, our mighty president gave a commanding press conference about the threat America faced in the global coronavirus epidemic. Being a great leader, he delegated responsibility for battling the coronavirus to his vice president Mike Pence, the Robin to his Batman. Pence called The Lint Screen today and proclaimed victory! “America is safe, … Read more

Some leaders wait for dangers to strike before they take action, and some plan a move ahead and make smart preparations. President Donald Trump is like a master chessplayer–– always thinking one, two, even eighty-eight moves ahead! He is not waiting for the coronavirus to officially become a dangerous pandemic, so he has dispatched the … Read more