Some leaders wait for dangers to strike before they take action, and some plan a move ahead and make smart preparations.

President Donald Trump is like a master chessplayer–– always thinking one, two, even eighty-eight moves ahead!

He is not waiting for the coronavirus to officially become a dangerous pandemic, so he has dispatched the center of the universe to go to work for America.

“When the weather warms up, the coronavirus will be destroyed,” the president told The Lint Screen. “But spring is taking too long to get here. It’s Schumer, Schiff, Pelosi and those damn Democrats who want to prolong winter and encourage the coronavirus to kill Americans. I won’t allow it!”

To that end, Trump has commanded the sun to heat things up.

“Warmer temperatures destroy viruses,” he said. “So I want to turn up the heat. The sun is like a huge sunlamp in the sky, and best of all, it’s free.”

Trump is an expert on solar matters. “When the sun plays peek-a-boo, we call it an eclipse. Most people don’t know that,” he said as he puffed his chest like a banty rooster who’d been awarded the blue ribbon at the county fair. “Eclipse,” he repeated.

The president says he is also an expert on viruses.

“They like cold weather because people are inside,” he said. “The virus can get indoors and attack. Viruses like to Netflix and chill like anyone else. But when the weather gets warm, people go outdoors and that fools the virus. So it dies.”

Trump believes there is no need for a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or National Institutes of Health. He plans to eliminate the agencies.

“Those organizations are Democratic slush funds for science, and let me tell you, science isn’t going to help people in a time like this. The sun will do the job. Don’t worry, America, I’ll take care of you. Believe me.”

Trump smiled and gave two thumbs up from inside his oxygen bubble.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Taxpayers shell out $81 billion-a-year for intelligence services, and according to President Donald Trump, “It’s a big fat waste of money–– all they do is report lies and misinformation. It’s treasonous behavior.”

Trump is on the warpath after finding out intelligence officials made a report to the House Intelligence Committee that included Democrat Adam Schiff.

In the report, the intelligence officers said Russia is meddling in our election like they did in 2016, and once again, they want Trump to win.

“It’s outrageous,” the president fumed to The Lint Screen. “Can you imagine giving sensitive information to Adam Schiff? He is the most dangerous man in the world. A very evil, very bad man. Schiff is Satan. He hates God, he wants to impregnate our daughters, abort babies, and let illegal aliens take our guns, and rape our mothers. He is trying to overthrow America.”

Trump was so enraged at the briefing, he fired Acting Director of National Intelligence Adm. Joseph Maguire and others involved in “the hoax.”

“I have no use for intelligence. I told these people repeatedly that the idea Russia would interfere with our elections is absolutely ridiculous. Why would they? Russia has its own elections. Vladimir Putin gave me a pinky swear on his mother’s grave that they did not mess with our elections. And Putin, like me, is a man known for his honesty and integrity. Everyone says so. I believe him, he’s a good man. End of discussion.”

To replace Maguire, who the president called “an awful man, real garbage, has no class at all,” Trump selected US Ambassador to Germany Richard Grenell to head up intelligence agencies.

“Richard Grennell is from central casting–– very handsome, great eyes, looks very intelligent–– like a real book reader,” Trump says. He puffs his chest and continues.

“Richard told me I am the greatest leader ever, the greatest man ever. The chosen one brought here by God. Grennell is obviously a tremendous judge of character. He also told me it would be his honor to serve me as I make America great again. Then he recited the Pledge of Allegiance to Trump. I think we can trust him. Richard Grennell will protect us. Sleep tight, America. Trump will protect our elections.”

This reporter asked the president if perhaps it wouldn’t be a good idea to improve election security just in case. The scribe was immediately arrested, shackled, and sent to the gulag.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Roger Stone, the grand Trump trickster, was slapped with a 40-month sentence for being found guilty of seven counts of ‘very bad boy behavior.’ The recommended sentence by federal prosecutors for Stone was 7-9 years.

That was before Donald Trump had a twitter-rage and pout-fest about the unfairness of it all.

“Hell,” Stone told The Lint Screen, “they could have given me the death penalty or life in prison. Who cares? Trump is going to spring me any second.”

Stone has been a Trump ally and political consultant for years. Many say he may be the only person who is a bigger scumbag than the liar-in-chief.

“I know Trump better than anyone,” Stone bragged. “I know where the bodies are buried. The last thing he needs is someone like me flipping on him. Trump will play ball. He has to. I got him by the balls.”

Despite the judge’s sentence, Stone is not planning to attend jail.

“I’m not even packing a bag or a toothbrush. Why should I?” he crowed. “I already talked to Billie Boy Barr and he told me, ‘Laws are for chumps.’” Stone smiled his wicked grin and continued.

“I don’t do law and order. That’s fiction you see on TV. Screw that. I’ve got work to do. I’ve got to get Trump elected in November. We’re going to run on a platform of cleaning up corruption in America and draining the swamp. And who are better guys to do that than me and Donald J. Trump?”

With that, Stone opened his umbrella and flew away.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Senators Susan Collins, Lamar Alexander, and Lisa Murkowski did not vote for impeachment in the trial of President Trump because they believe he had learned his lesson and would straighten up and fly right. The ‘bad boy’ would obey the rule of law.

Silly senators!

Yesterday, Trump unleashed his fury by cutting the ribbon on his enemy’s list and vowed revenge for those he believes have slighted him.

“It’s very unfair what these people have done,” Trump said after cutting the ribbon on his list. “The people listed here are scum, human garbage, evil bastards hellbent on hurting me. They don’t like that I’m making America great again. They want to destroy me because they want to destroy America. I won’t let it happen. I’m very brave and smart and stable. Everyone says so.”

Trump has signed an executive order forming 50,000 Justice Seeker Squads–– teams of 100 angry goons, hooligans, and hoodlums armed with bats, shivs, broken bottles, and semi-automatic weapons.

“I have instructed my Justice Seekers to show no mercy,” the president said looking at his daughter Ivanka and drooling. “Each Squad will be given pages of the list. If someone’s name is on the list, that person is guilty of treason and has got to pay. And the price is going to be steep, let me tell you. Very steep.”

Attorney General Bill Barr and Senator Mitch McConnell fully support the president in his battle for justice.

“He’s the president, so we must obey,” said McConnell. “Our hands are tied on this.” The sly fox smiled and cooed with his warble throat.

Trump’s enemies list, which he describes as “much bigger and much better than Nixon’s,” consists of over 48,987,600 names in 4-pt. type. The Lint Screen is #5 on the list. #5 with a bullet.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Billy Boy Barr, the so-called Attorney General of the United States, is one happy camper these days.

“The bossman says I’m doing a tremendous job, a fantastic job,” Barr says, puffing his chubby cheeks like a ravenous squirrel at an all-you-can-eat acorn buffet. “Getting some sugar from the big chief himself tickles me pink.”

Trump recently tweeted Roger Stone was facing extreme sentencing for being a loyal patriot and doing nothing wrong. The big man suggested the Justice Department should do something about Stone’s dire situation.

Enter Barr. 

Almost immediately, the legal lapdog rescinded the sentencing recommendation brought forth by people in his own department–– sentencing that was within recommended guidelines.

“People can bellyache all they want,” Barr defiantly told The Lint Screen. “But recommended guidelines don’t mean diddly-squat when the skipper doesn’t like them and thinks they’re harsh. He’s the top dog of the nation, and it’s my job to do his will no matter what. My job is to protect and serve our glorious leader.”

Barr recommended Stone receive a sentence of one-night detention after school. “That seems pretty fair,” he said. “If you want to play hardball, maybe even say he has to go to bed without a snack.”

The A.G. believes the real problem with law in America is that it’s often grossly unjust.

“You can and should treat two people differently for the same crime if one of those people is a friend of the president,” he said. “Connections are important. Networking is everything. And remember, the president can never, ever commit a crime. He’s like God, only handsomer because he’s clean-shaven so his mug is always kissing-smooth.”

Barr believes too many American laws are based on the U.S. Constitution.

“Have you seen that old piece of paper? It’s as yellow as a snickerdoodle’s urine in fresh snow. ‘We the people’ is an outdated concept. We’re not all the same people. I mean, look at El Hefe–– Donal Trump was a T.V. superstar. He won the presidency in the largest landslide in American history. Do you think he should be treated the same as some bozo whacked out on goofballs or a treasonous jerk trying to vote for a Democrat in an election? Don’t be stupid. Trump is the big cheese.”

Barr said he is anxiously waiting for a tweet from his commander to dispatch justice for Bob Mueller, Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler, and anyone else who investigated his  ‘all-powerful, mighty master.’

“And when the head honcho gives me the green light, I’ll dispense frontier justice.” Barr smiles. “The rule of law is whatever we say it is. Get over it.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

When pint-sized yokel Jess Sessions was the Attorney General, ‘Lil Donnie Trump always bellyached, “Where’s my Roy Cohn? Wah-wah-wah!” But those days are long gone now that portly Bill Barr is in the saddle.

The top justice man was mightily impressed last night with Trump’s State of The Union Address.

“His words were like pure poetry,” he said, “he melted my clogged heart. The president is the greatest leader ever, he says it all the time–– but I was especially knocked out by the performance of Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi.”

Following Trump’s speech, Pelosi took her copy and tore Trump’s hunky-dory gospel to shreds. It was an impressive display of defiance.

“That girl is a regular confetti-making machine,” Barr said as he ate a deep bowl of butterscotch pudding.

Barr was so impressed with her performance, he approached Pelosi after the SOTU and “made her an offer she couldn’t refuse–– she can spend the rest of her time in Congress working as a shredder for the Justice Department. I told her we’ll pay you a cool billion dollars a year. What’s it matter? No cares about deficits anymore. They only apply when Democrats are in office.”

The Attorney General said that ever since he has assumed the role of AG, he has had trouble keeping up with the president.

“The man generates a huge paper trail of his shady activities,” the top cop said, “and I have to make them all disappear. I can’t tell you how many paper shredders we’ve burned-out. But with Pelosi on the job, I think we can finally keep pace. In a couple of weeks, Nancy’s arms will look like Popeye on a spinach bender!”

Pelosi told The Lint Screen she wasn’t interested in Barr’s generous offer at first. “But then I thought, what’s it matter–– the GOP Senate will let Trump do whatever he wants anyway. I might as well make a buck on this thing and get some good cardio.”

Bill Barr nipped into a rack of ribs. “Just call me Cohn. Roy Cohn.”

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.