If there were a Mt. Rushmore of great broadcast journalists, Sean Hannity’s handsome chiseled mug would reside between Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow.

Hannity has been reporting on the disturbing “rat-like treasonous betrayal” of John Bolton to America’s bestest leader ever, President Donald J. Trump.

“Bolton is a traitor,” Hannity told The Lint Screen. “He is going to publish his tell-all book about his time in the White House. Well, there’s something he doesn’t reveal–– the president doesn’t even know who this Bolton joker is! I showed the president a picture of Bolton and Trump said he had never seen the guy before in his life. So you tell me–– what kind of tell-all book can you believe when it’s written by a total stranger?! The book is obviously a pack of lies.”

Hannity gets red in the face as he continues. 

“I keep hearing that John Bolton is a flaming San Francisco liberal who smokes Maryjane-reefer-joint-doobie-trippy stick cigarettes and listens to loud rock and roll music with Satanic messages. I think he wears flowers in his hair and in his bushy mustache. A lot of people say Bolton has been working with that Kenyan Obama, plus the dastardly duo Joe and Hunter Biden. They’re all trying to overthrow America and erase the 63-million patriots who elected Trump.  That’s what this impeachment sham is all about. It’s not about Trump, it’s about cheating you! Looney liberals like Bolton are trying to ignore the will of the people–– hard-working factory workers, minimum wage workers, and farmers enjoying the greatest economy in the history of the world. People have never been richer, or happier. I’ll tell you, it’s disgusting, absolutely disgraceful what Bolton is doing.”

But Hannity was just getting warmed up.

“I’ll bet Bolton doesn’t even believe in God. That’s how he’s able to lie and slander the man who was chosen by God Himself to lead his people to the promised land. Trump brought peace to the Middle East and got North Korea to give up nuclear weapons. He makes America great here and around the world. But does he get credit for it? No, because everyone’s against him. Look, Bolton is probably in cahoots with Crooked Hillary–– they’re a couple of no-goodniks dedicated to killing the American way of life. They want to take hot dogs, baseball, and mom’s apple pie and throw them in the trash so they can watch R-rated movies, drop acid, pop goofballs, and buy birth control!”

Hannity is winding down, his face goes from beet red to Celtic hot pink.

“Bolton’s book, and all books for that matter, need to be burned. There are too many lies in books. Thank goodness the president will soon announce his executive order for book burning.”

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Sen. Mitch McConnell is one crafty rascal.

“I’m like an episode of Law and Order –– I want justice and good acting with supportive sponsors,” the debonair silver fox cooed to The Lint Screen.

Here are the rules he has drafted for the upcoming Senate impeachment trial of President Donald John Trump.

1. All Senators must pledge allegiance to the President before the trial starts, those who refuse will be considered treasonous and sent to the gallows for immediate execution
2. There shall be no references to The American Constitution, a document that is hopelessly outdated and difficult to understand
3. “Shifty Adam Schiff” must be muzzled at all times with hands and feet bound
4. There shall be no questions about perfect phone calls made by the President, those who dare question his actions will be guilty of treason and sent to the gallows for immediate execution
5. There shall be no evidence allowed about the President trying to influence foreign governments to interfere with American elections, to do so would be against the free market system for which we stand
6. “Facts” will be inadmissible to minimize paperwork and keep our planet green
7. There shall be no witnesses or documents introduced in the trial, an overload of information will confuse Senators
8. Democrats must use Jeopardy rules–– no questions are permitted, ever!
9. Vladimir Putin will be allowed to testify as a character witness for the President
10. All Senators must cast a “not guilty” vote for impeachment, to do otherwise will be treasonous, and offenders will be sent to the gallows for immediate execution

McConnell is confident with these rules in place the public can witness justice in America.

He chortled, and his neck warbled like Jell-O in an earthquake.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Say what you will about partisanship in Washington, but one guy has always played it straight down the line–– South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham.

The 17-year veteran of the Senate Chambers is livid about the impeachment of President Donald John Trump.

“It makes my blood boil,” he says sparkling those dreamy baby blues. “These Democrats are wasting taxpayer money with this ridiculous impeachment mess. It’s like they’re not even listening to the president–– he’s said it a thousand times–– the whole thing is a sham, a hoax. He did nothing wrong. A perfect call. Perfect!“

Graham tells The Lint Screen he has a simple solution to make quick work of the impeachment trial–– change our government!

“Look, Trump has done an incredible job,” the strikingly handsome man says in that smooth bourbon-voice that could melt chocolate. “He has always been a straight shooter, a man of honor and integrity. He says our economy is the best it’s ever been, and the beautiful wall he’s building is keeping us safe from illegals, there’s peace in the Middle East thanks to him, he licked China in the trade war, everyone’s richer than they’ve ever been before, and he even started Space Force, so we’ll dominate the whole cotton-pickin’ universe. Whew!”

The Ken doll catches his breath and continues.

“By any measure, Trump is most definitely the greatest leader in the history of the world. It seems to me that his being president is way too small a role for him.”

Graham leans in, his breath fragrant from an Altoid or peppermint Lifesaver, and continues with his eyes twinkling like excited stars.

“The presidency is too limiting for Donald J. Trump. Elections every four years, only two terms, three branches of government––why that’s just silly! We need to make him our Emperor and almighty ruler. If we do that now, we can eliminate this sham of an impeachment trial and get rid of the Senate and House of Representatives. Trump will just put Jared or Ivanka in charge of lawmaking. They’re smart cookies.”

The ‘aw-shucks-I’m-just-a-country-lawyer’ leans back in his seat and extends those long legs of his, showing a little smooth calf from where his cashmere socks don’t ride so high.

“Almighty Ruler Trump solves all our problems. We don’t have to waste money on trials, lawmakers, elections–– any of that crap. We simply trust in his good judgment. He’s a very stable genius, you know.”

Graham smiles that million-dollar friend-maker and you can hear your heart thump in your chest.

“I think it’s the only solution to making America great again. And I will be happy to serve our fantabulous leader in any way I can.”

As he leaves the room, a seductive masculine musk scent wafts gently through the air. His brilliant idea makes a lot of sense.

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Oh my God, what the hell is Trump talking about?

This guy is nuts. He just babbles on and on. Does he ever tell the truth? Can he tell the truth?

He’s like a petulant child, a spoiled rich brat with his toy army men he moves around. He acts like mister tough guy. Right–– ol’ bone spurs McGee.

I can’t think of a worse guy to have in the foxhole with me. He’d sell you out in a heartbeat.

Wow, listen to that–– he actually found a way to blame Obama. Unbelievable. Let it go, Donnie–– you’re the president now, not Obama. Not Hillary. You. Act like a damn president instead of a sore winner.

Please–– shut the hell up and go back to your ivory tower. And for God’s sake, quit your goddamn Tweeting. You’re going to get us all killed, you nincompoop.

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

You might not think a 77-year-old guy would be hip to the happenings of America’s youth, but you’d be wrong, daddy-O!

Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been cruising the country on his “No Malarkey” bus looking to attract voters of all ages–– especially the young ‘uns.

“Gee whillikers,” Biden tells The Lint Screen, “I don’t want folks to have a cow or blow a gasket because I’m over 30.” He laughs.

“You know, the hippie kids used to say ‘Don’t trust anyone over 30’ in the 60s. Man, they were being crabby Appletons. I say, chill, dudes. Puff on a MaryJane reefer cigarette and kick up your heels. Dig my vibe. It’s all hunky-dory.”

Biden rides on his “No Malarkey” bus and pontificates on the state of the country.

“Consarn it all,” the leading Democratic Party candidate declares, “Donald Trump is nothing but slapdash tomfoolery and jiggery-pokery. Anyone who knows his onions knows that most of the hot air coming out of his piehole is just pure balderdash and fiddle-faddle. I want people to know Joe stands for being a straight shooter. When I say no malarkey, I mean no tickety-boo or hijinks ever!”

The effervescent politician knows he has to do a better job of reaching younger voters.

“Kids these days are different, dagnabbit,” Joe says, stroking his chin. “They can go to the picture show, play rock and roll on the HiFi, or plop in front of the ‘ol Philco anytime. And now, with this world wide web thing on the computer machines, well, darn near anything is available any old time. That’s a lot of competition for attention.” Biden flashes his million-dollar smile and continues.

“But my Dad used to say to me; he’d say, ‘Joe if you want to be successful in politics, you better have the gumption to do whatever it takes to make people believe you’re the bee’s knees. Roll up your sleeves, press the flesh, and let them know the cut of your jib. Because until someone thinks you’re the cat’s meow, brother, you’ve got your work cut out for you.’”

Biden gives a sad smile.

“I sure do miss my Pops,” he says. “He spoke the truth as refreshing as putting your head in the Frigidaire icebox on a hot day.”

Joe brightens up.

“Hey, Frankie,” he shouts to the bus driver. “Let’s 23 Skidoo and find some kids to rap with!”

And with that, the door closes, and the wheels of the bus go round and round.

Keep your peepers peeled for the No Malarkey tour.

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

To hear President Donald J. Trump tell it, his life as the nation’s savior mirrors that of Jesus Christ.

“And nervous Nancy is like what’s his name–– Punky Pilot,” the Donald told The Lint Screen. “She sentences the grown-up Jesus, that’s me, to death with her phony, fake, very unfair impeachment. But, on Christmas eve, I was like little baby Jesus, and I was visited by three wise guys who carried great gifts.”

Trump says rather than sleeping in a manger, he was staying at Mar-A-Lago. “The beds are much better than a pile of hay. Sure, the beds here have a few bedbugs, but nothing too bad.” He continued.

“I have been treated very badly by the Democrats,” he said. “Their impeachment is a total witch hunt. It’s awful what they’re doing to me for making a perfect call.”

But, like the Christ child, he did not despair.

The President said while he was enjoying a slice of chocolate cake (“the most beautiful cake you’ve ever seen”), he was approached by Senator Mitch McConnell, Sen. Lindsay Graham, and Representative Kevin McCarthy.

“They appeared like visions from out of nowhere. They said they came from a faraway land called Washington,” the president said. “And they were bearing great gifts for their savior and redeemer. For they love me so much,” he said as his eyes got dewy.

“Mitch presented his testicles on a silver platter. Lindsay gave me his spine. And McCarthy, well, McCarthy gifted me with his integrity, which wasn’t much–– hardly anything at all, really––but it’s the thought that counts.”

The abused childlike president was thankful.

“It was a great gesture,” he said. “But the wise guys saved the best for last. They promised me the undying loyalty of the entire Republican party in supporting their king and overlord. And that’s quite a Christmas present, let me tell you.”

The president wiped his eye with his red silk tie. It fell to the floor and he composed himself.

“Of course, I would have preferred some gold. Lots of gold, actually. But, I forgive the cheap bastards.”