Sen. Mitch McConnell is one crafty rascal. “I’m like an episode of Law and Order –– I want justice and good acting with supportive sponsors,” the debonair silver fox cooed to The Lint Screen. Here are the rules he has drafted for the upcoming Senate impeachment trial of President Donald John Trump. All Senators must … Read more

Say what you will about partisanship in Washington, but one guy has always played it straight down the line–– South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham. The 17-year veteran of the Senate Chambers is livid about the impeachment of President Donald John Trump. “It makes my blood boil,” he says sparkling those dreamy baby blues. “These Democrats … Read more

Oh my God, what the hell is Trump talking about? This guy is nuts. He just babbles on and on. Does he ever tell the truth? Can he tell the truth? He’s like a petulant child, a spoiled rich brat with his toy army men he moves around. He acts like mister tough guy. Right–– … Read more

You might not think a 77-year-old guy would be hip to the happenings of America’s youth, but you’d be wrong, daddy-O! Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been cruising the country on his “No Malarkey” bus looking to attract voters of all ages–– especially the young ‘uns. “Gee whillikers,” Biden tells The Lint Screen, “I don’t want … Read more

To hear President Donald J. Trump tell it, his life as the nation’s savior mirrors that of Jesus Christ. “And nervous Nancy is like what’s his name–– Punky Pilot,” the Donald told The Lint Screen. “She sentences the grown-up Jesus, that’s me, to death with her phony, fake, very unfair impeachment. But, on Christmas eve, … Read more

President Trump changes norms as often as parents change their baby’s diapers. And his latest achievement will firmly secure Trump’s place in history. “The United States has had many presidents over its 2,000-year history,” Trump told The Lint Screen. “Only two presidents were ever impeached–– Andrew Jackson and Bill Clinton. And both of them did … Read more