President Trump changes norms as often as parents change their baby’s diapers. And his latest achievement will firmly secure Trump’s place in history.

“The United States has had many presidents over its 2,000-year history,” Trump told The Lint Screen. “Only two presidents were ever impeached–– Andrew Jackson and Bill Clinton. And both of them did it in their second terms. I am about to be the third impeached president, and I did it in my very first term. That is proof I am the greatest leader of all time.”

When told that impeachment was bad for a president’s reputation, Trump became agitated.

“That’s bullshit. My impeachment is an achievement. It was a total witch hunt conducted by the Democrats. The only reason they’re doing it is that they know I can’t be beaten in the 2020 election. I am so popular in the U.S., I even have other countries wanting to help me. Russia, China, Ukraine, North Korea, and others are enthusiastic about helping me get re-elected. I guess being popular is a crime these days. How crazy is that?”

Trump is proud of all he has done since being elected.

“I’ve built 2,800 miles of a border wall that is over 1,000 feet tall, not even those giants from Game of Thrones can climb it. They tried, failed like dogs. And Mexico will pay for the wall. Believe it. And the average middle-class American will save $450,000 thanks to my tax cuts. I’ve kept all immigrants out of our country–– except for those foreigners who’ll help me win re-election. Thanks to Jared, we have peace in the middle east. And I formed Space Force, establishing America as the greatest country in the universe. And now, I’ve achieved impeachment much faster than any other president.”

The president thrust out his chest.

“Everyone says I’m a stable genius. Who could argue that? I will wear my impeachment as a badge of honor.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

While the Democrats were boiling oil for their witch hunt of President Trump, Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov came to the White House and sang the big guy’s praises.

“Comrade Trump doing fantastic job,” the red ruski powerbroker told The Lint Screen. “I see your countrymen like him much better than Abe Lincoln. Trump much better than all presidents!”

The distinguished diplomat is mightily impressed by the president’s superior performance.

“Democrats try to destroy him,” he said in onion and tobacco breath. “They hate America, work with Ukraine and hide server. Wish to upset great American election. But Trump protect your country, make great again. He is great leader. Strong. Handsome. Good teeth. Has hot wife, hot daughter. Great man.”

Lavrov says the president is a shrewd and tough negotiator. “He always gets better of President Putin. Trump is a worthy adversary. He is master player, always one move ahead. He keeps Russia in check very well. He never does our will. Doggone him and brave patriots of his glorious Republican Party!“

Russia’s Foreign Minister is a big fan of the Fox News Channel. “Hannity, Laura, Judge Jeanine, Fox and Friends–– they are all great truthtellers. Americans should only watch Fox and believe them. All other news is Ukraine propaganda. If it is not on Fox News or said by president, it is wrong.”

The Russian leader wonders why more Americans do not hate Democrats. “They are bad people. Make Americans flush toilet many times. Ten, fifteen, one hundred times. Poo still not go away. Trump wants one flush. Only one flush. For this Democrats wish to remove him from office. They are evil. Vote Trump 2020. Protect America. Make poo go bye-bye.”

Sergey Lavrov may have just coined Trump’s new election slogan.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Come enjoy a more perfect union of the United States as a young man searches for himself working as an advance man for a traveling circus.

It’s 1982. There are no cell phones, no internet, no digital hysteria. 23-year-old Paul Driscoll is fate’s punching bag. His father recently died, he gets fired from his job, and his girlfriend dumps him like nuclear waste.

Desperate for money, the copywriter becomes a promoter with a traveling circus—- and in his first town, falls in love.

Katherine Flynn-Ryan is a divorced mother harboring a dark family secret. She falls for Paul, and although she knows the circus man will soon leave, he promises he’ll return to her after the season.

Paul travels America with angry clowns, wild, eccentric characters, and egomaniacal performers. He struggles remaining faithful while resisting the aggressive pursuit of his boss and taming his libido.

When Paul finishes his circus tour and returns to Katherine, he learns their relationship could cost him his life.

Sawdust: Love is wilder than a circus crackles with unforgettable characters and humor, plus revealing insights into circus life, the male psyche, and explorations of faith and self-discovery.

Here’s what readers are saying: “definitely 5 stars”… “a great novel”… “funny”… “I absolutely loved this book”… “written with the humanity and humor of Vonnegut”… “I could not put this humorous yet emotionally cutting book down”… “The ending will delightfully disturb you”… “I highly recommend”… you get the drift. It’s an enjoyable escape from our troubled times.

Your soon-to-be favorite book is now available on Amazon, or, order from your local bookstore. The audiobook version will be available soon, the best companion for a long trip or daily commute.

Thanks, and enjoy the ride.

What a difference a day makes.

Yesterday, President Donald J. Trump was all smiles as he gave his official pardon to two turkeys named Bread and Butter at a formal White House garden ceremony. Today, the president rescinded his pardon and sentenced the birds to death.

“I joked yesterday that the turkeys were receiving subpoenas from Adam Schiff,” Trump told The Lint Screen. “It was funny. Everyone loved it. Everyone loves my sense of humor. But this morning, I found out it was true–– the turkeys really were subpoenaed by Schiff, and they sang like birds. These turkeys are rats. They deserve to die. I can grant life, but guess what? I can also take it away. Bread and Butter are going to be in my belly tomorrow for their betrayal.”

Trump said he heard the turkeys claimed Russia interred with the 2016 election.

“Everyone knows that’s a lie,” the president said, getting red in his puss. “Ukraine did it, not Russia. Why would Russia interfere? Russia didn’t do it, Putin said so. He’s a great guy. Very honest.”

Trump continued the details on the plot against him.

“Ukraine still has the Democrat’s server with all the Biden dirt, Hillary’s emails, and all her Benghazi secrets, and the dirt on the Clinton pedophile pizza scandal. The server also has Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate. The Democrats are trying to cover it up. These turkeys knew about it and are part of the conspiracy. Bread and Butter are never-Trumpers. They’ll find out how I deal with rats like them.”

Trump said he doesn’t care what public sentiment is about his decision to slaughter the previously pardoned tom turkeys. 

“Bleeding hearts can whine and cry all they want,” the big guy said. “I won’t stand for anyone telling lies about me. I don’t care if they are stupid birds. I’ll teach them not to sing.”

The president said he will have recently pardoned Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher to slaughter Bread and Butter. 

“That guy owes me,” Trump said. “I saved his bacon and now I want him to do me a favor. I want those turkey traitors dead. Good and dead.”

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Yesterday was a big one for President Donald J. Trump and GOP patriots defending the Constitution and rule of law.

As the evil, America-hating Democrats continued their circus charade of trying to impeach the country’s greatest president, they heard a bombshell. U.S. Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland testified that he spoke directly with the president who told him repeatedly “No quid pro quo.”

“That’s it,” a confident Trump told The Lint Screen and reporters from less reputable media outlets. “Case closed. I said ‘no quid pro quo.’ Nothing to see here folks. The Democrats have lost.”

Trump said he doesn’t know who Sondland is.

“They tell me he’s an ambassador or something,” the president said. “I don’t know about that, but if he talked to me I guess I talked to him. And I obviously told him not to break the law. See? It just goes to show I uphold American values with everyone I meet, even total strangers. It’s called moral character, people.”

The Democrats have been clutching at straws as they try and make a case that the president tied desperately-needed military aid to Ukraine in return for an agreement to investigate political rival, Joe Biden.

“Why would I do that?” the president asked. “I don’t even know this–– what’s his name–– Joe Biden, is that it? They tell me he’s running for president or something. I don’t know about that. Is he? Who has time to watch the news when you’re running the world’s greatest country? Look, I’m too busy doing my job to bother with such things.”

Trump also claims he doesn’t know anything about Ukraine.

“They tell me it’s a country,” he said. “I don’t know, maybe it is. But why would I care about it? Ukraine is a funny name.”

The president is proud of the patriotism shown by Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan, and other brave Republicans representing him in the witch hunt Adam Schiff and his crew of dastardly Dems are running.

“Thank God for Team Trump,” the president said. “If we didn’t have them protecting us from the looney liberals and enforcing the Constitution, America would be like a third world banana republic. By the way, I’m announcing that Mike Pompeo will be stepping down as Secretary of State. He’s done a terrific job. Thanks, Mike. He’ll be replaced by Ivanka Trump, someone who knows world affairs better than anyone. She’s also very hot. Thank you, everyone,” Trump said as he boarded Helicopter One with a sheet of toilet paper stuck on the bottom of his shoe.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

 

California produces a lot of nuts, but none as hard as Rep. Devin Nunes (R). This sucker won’t crack no matter how hard the pressure gets!

Nunes dropped by The Lint Screen offices to discuss the recent opening of the impeachment inquiry into President Donald J. Trump and his defense strategy to protect his master.

“The liberals are clutching at straws,” Nunes says as he lights a Virginia Slim Menthol. “They have been trying to get Trump from day one when they absconding half of his inaugural crowd. Whisked Trump fans away in unmarked buses, then snapped pictures to make it look like he had a much smaller crowd than Obama. They’re cheaters, but the president caught them!”

Nunes begins hotboxing his cigarette as he continues to rant. 

“Now they’re falsely claiming the president did something wrong in his call to Ukraine. Didn’t they hear him say the call was perfect? Why would he lie? He never lies. It was a perfect call. Case closed. Look, everyone knows Joe and Hunter Biden have a ton of dirt on them. Piles of dead bodies, child porn, missing pets, sex trafficking, beating orphans, strangling old ladies for their social security checks, selling out of date cough syrups–– all kinds of bad stuff. The president’s trying to clean up corruption. We should be thanking him for Pete’s sake.”

The pudgy congressman snuffs out his smoke and lights another. 

“Ukraine has a server with all of Hillary’s emails, including how she rigged the popular vote in 2016 to get 5,000,000 illegals registered and voting for her. The emails detail her devious Benghazi plan to kill Americans, and how if elected she was going to name herself dictator and enslave Americans and have them remove all the Jesuses from all the crosses in America–– even on necklaces! Trump wanted to get that server and bring Hillary to justice.”

Nunes begins hyperventilating. He huffs into a paper bag, collects himself, and lights another Slim.

“We are going to expose the Democrats for the charlatans they are. Obama was a Kenyon, Biden is part of a notorious crime family, Hillary is pure evil, and Adam Schiff is Satan in a suit. Trump is the chosen one and must be protected at all costs. Otherwise, we will lose the rule of law and decency in our country. God wouldn’t have sent Trump if He didn’t have a mission for our president to fulfill.”

Nunes drops to his knees and praises Trump.

“I’ll continue showing the world the GOP stands for integrity, truth, and justice,” he says as he begins hacking up dark mucus. ‘Where’d I put my smokes?” he asks.