My Left Hip (Pt. 1)

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Daniel got nothing on me.
Daniel got nothing on me.
Many people have often compared me to Daniel Day Lewis– with the exception of his good looks, incredible acting talent and fantabulous wealth.

Still, we’re pretty much two peas in a pod. Daniel starred in My Left Foot, and I am soon to star in My Left Hip. You see, dear children, this Lint Screenin’ daddy-o is about to undergo ‘total hip replacement’ surgery on Monday, November 2.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking: he’s just doing that because joint replacement surgery is what all the cool baby boomers are having– it’s the “in” operation to have and he’s just got to have it!

On left, the plastic model from my doc's office. Yum!
On left, the plastic model from my doc's office. Yum!
Sure, I’ll confess that there is a certain amount of peer pressure involved, but there is also the little issue of arthritis decaying my joints these past 8 years like gasoline on Styrofoam (try it some time– what happens when the gas makes contact is pure evil). I had my right hip replaced in April of 2008, and now it’s time to balance the technology to alleviate my pain.

As Carly Simon sang, “I haven’t got time for the pain”, so I will undergo pain to be done with it. My store-bought titanium right hip is pain-free, with the exception of the commotion it causes going through security at airports. But its triggering of alarms does afford me the unique and stimulating opportunity to share a little bonding time with friendly TSA personnel. F-U-N!

The high tech utilized to indicate which hip needs replacement.
The high tech utilized to indicate which hip needs replacement.
While I certainly don’t look forward to this surgery, I do look forward to some day soon not having pain that causes my entire body to contort to compensate. I also look forward to one day getting off the pain management medication teat.

In the grand scheme of things, what I’m going through is nothing. This is fixable, and physical therapy and time make it better than before. No pity parties here. It’s just a minor repair and I think I still have some mileage left on me.

I ask you all to contemplate your lives, count your blessings, remember the suffering of those who have little hope, and give thanks for good health. I will leave you with a photo of the chart which will be a focal point of my room in the hospital. It forces one to think about the pain he/she is feeling. What is your number? It’s a good think to think about daily. What is your number?

Put a number to your pain. Now, reduce it.
Put a number to your pain. Now, reduce it.
By the way, you may not be reading fresh dispatches for a little while, I’ll be whacked-out on the goof. In the meantime, I invite you to graze deeper into the Lint. Here’s ten of the most popular morsels you may have missed and ample proof as to why this blog is the world’s fastest growing website containing the words “Lint” and “Screen”:
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And, for all you monkey humor fans, http://bit.ly/9MonkeyDinner
Of course, there’s plenty more fun to be discovered and shared. Thanks for playing, mind those hips.

5 thoughts on “My Left Hip (Pt. 1)”

  1. Guz, heard the operation went well, hope you deal with the pain with some good drugs and are up and running around soon.

  2. Here’s to a speedy recovery. Any clues as to how we’ll know you’re not still “whacked-out on the goof”?

  3. Well, this little surgi-stunt of yours will hopefully end all those dizzying days walking in circles, like a whirling literary Ahab, chugging cough syrup to dull that whale-of-an-agony. I just wanna know: what is advertising copywriting without pain and agony?

    I mean, can it be done? You afraid all this “pain-free-ness” might affect the Scullinmeister Sturm und Drang, leading you straight into the Hallmark account once you’re giddily kicking up your heels again? Have you planted additional sources of Weltschmerz to grind on your future last nerves? (Try buying a commercial building in the city of Atlanta, it’ll do wonders…)

    Hurry back and don’t let those inflamed synapses get too much peace and rest. Advertising = pain and suffering and we need real sufferers at the helm.
    A-u-t-h-e-n-t-i-c-i-t-y is back.

    [Recover quick, take your vitamins and take care, Patrick.)

  5. Pingback: Surgical Deja Vu « The Lint Screen

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