“Look, Ma– No Hip!” (Pt. 2)

On Monday, Nov. 2, a man I barely know had me stripped and knocked out. Then he cut open my left buttock, yanked out my left leg bone, sawed-off the diseased arthritic ball joint, cemented a new titanium one into the leg bone and put it back into the hip joint (where he had placed a new artificial socket for smooth hip rotation).

Welcome to total hip replacement surgery. Welcome to arthritis playing for keeps. Welcome to the ravages of growing old. Welcome to some Percocet-inspired notes about my ordeal for your enlightenment and perhaps even amusement. To quote a great philosopher, “The only thing that distinguishes mankind from animals is our ability to laugh at pain, and not wag our tails.”

This was my second hip replacement. My right hip was replaced in April, 2008. It’s wonderful not to have arthritic pain there anymore, but to get to that pain-free other side requires a painful journey. The surgery, the rehabilitation, the scrutiny of TSA personnel when traveling because your fake hip got the metal detectors screaming, they’re all part of the process.

The good news is you can be fixed. The bad news is medical science hasn’t made the process a cakewalk or cake-hobble.

I will spend the next few blog entries detailing my experience. Reading these will be less painful than hip surgery and probably somewhat more enjoyable.

That’s The Lint Screen way.

Stay tuned…