Keep It Clean (Pt. 13)

After total hip replacement surgery, my favorite room in our house is the one that rains.

The shower is like a feel-better pod. I carefully check the water temperature and scan the shower floor for bars of soap, banana peels, crude oil slicks– anything I might slip on and subject me to the horrible forces of gravity. I step into the shower slowly, oh-so-slowly, and let the soothing waters rain o’er me.

The post surgical instructions are to keep the wound clean with daily washings and fresh dressings. I move slowly, oh-so-slowly, out of the shower and begin patting myself dry. My wife tends to the surgical scar with an antiseptic, absorbent pads and medical tape. The tape is hateful (though not nearly as hateful as using duct tape might be).

The tape’s adhesive hurts no matter how slowly I pull it off. I face the never-ending question: is it better to take off the bandage quickly for a blast of intense pain, or slowly for a longer, lower level of pain? Every mortal has his/her own opinion on this– it’s one of the great philosophical questions of all time, right up there with glazed or jelly?

I roll with a slow and steady tape removal (like Socrates did; Plato was a grip ‘n rip guy).

After a shower and fresh dressing, I feel better. It could be psychological or it could be actual, but I feel like some of my pain went down the drain. I hope pain cannot clog drains.