According to the number crunchers, here’s the catnip for curious eyeballs:
moon
lost
Swedish Bikini Team
job hunting
X-ray porn
cute kitten
oilade
fab four
lonely
These key words are the cheese that attracts the most people on our planet to this hub of intelligencia and good taste.
So, the marketing department of The Lint Screen suggested we do a posting that combined all these power players in one entry. Like a dream team playing its greatest hits, if you will.
Here we are. And just for good measure, the creative department (usually lazy no-goodniks with feet propped on desktops and heads nestled in clouds) wanted to add something new: pork brains (who knows, maybe these two words will attract new readers to Lint).
Feel free to poke around the key words above and see what’s the most popular Lint to date. Please come again because we may be cooking up some more pork brains with the culinary department here at Lint.
Pork brain pastries, perhaps?
“Rose® Brand Pork Brains” and the accompanying visual certainly got my attention, especially when I looked a bit closer and saw that the canned brains come “with milk gravy.”
It’s almost dinnertime, and I can tell you I know what’s going to be on my plate tonight! Tomorrow night, too, if there’s a special on Rose® Brand Pork Brains at my local supermarket.
If Rose® Brand Pork Brains is one of your clients, you can do them a world of good by getting the lunkheads in your creative department thinking in a breakthrough way.
If the product is new, they should say so in the ads they create.
If it tastes like Mom used to make, what’s wrong with saying that? Or how about just claiming it inasmuch as who’s going to know if it’s true or not?
I mean, did your Mom serve pork brains for dinner? Mine didn’t, so if you told me Rose® Brand Pork Brains was the closest I’d ever come to homemade pork brains, I’d have to take your word for it, wouldn’t I?
Also, by the way, I notice that you have four cans of Rose® Brand Pork Brains in your photo. One way your client can sell more cans of his/her product is selling them in bulk. Four cans for the price of three, for example. Maybe packaging four cans in a plastic and/or cardboard sleeve so people will stock up.
(Final note: The photo on the front of the Rose® Brand Pork Brains package probably isn’t the best photograph of pork brains ever shot. I know, I know. It’s a small detail when you’re selling a dining experience as appealing as pork brains. Nonetheless, it’s the little things that sometimes matter.)
As always, Curvin, you prove yourself to be the consummate marketeer!
Yes, Rose’s could use some help with its label and its marketing. Our agency does not work with the company, I’m sorry to say since I’ve often bragged to people I could do wonders with a swine gray-goo account, but brother, do I wish we did!
I believe there are many great ideas the good folks at Rose’s could do to goose the old sales curve. Off the top of my head, how about recipes for Jell-O Pork Brains Salad (it’s not just for holidays anymore) or a nice Pork Brains gelato.
It’s a natural pizza topping, salad topping, vegetable protein-booster.
Line extensions:
Beef-flavored Pork Brains
Pork Brains Chewing Gum
Carbonated Pork Brains Soda
Pork Curly-Q Tails
and on and on…
Yes, Rose’s Pork Brains is an untapped brand, but with our big ad brains, we could turbo-boost its sales!
Thanks for the thinking.
Rose® Brand needs your help. If I play rainmaker, will you give me a finder’s fee?
Do you think we can wrest it away from the Omnicom, WPP and Publicis networks?
It’ll be tough, my friend, but with passion, dedication and hard work I think we might be able to pull it off. I’ll need some walking-around cash in the meantime. A couple thou will do it. Don’t think of the investment I’m asking you to make. Think of the headlines in the trade press if/when you win. Trust me. I think it’ll be big news.
I have the bean counters cutting you a BIG check and will put it in the mail today. We’ll have to move fast, Curvin, as I fear Sir. Martin, Wren, Levy and all the other big hungry vultures will be moving quickly to secure the global Rose’s Pork Brains account! Yes, they’ll all trumpet their international integration expertise and digital savvy, but I believe we can bring heart to pork brains.
Thanks. Be smooth, be quick, be hungry!
I figured the man that dreamed up the Swedish Bikini Team and other fantasies was messing with his audience again. He fiddled with Photoshop and other computer hocus pocus to create a product too preposterous to be believed, especially by us city folk. Pork brains with milk gravy in a can? No way.
Well darn it all if it isn’t real. My cousin out in Acworth reports he stirs the stuff into his eggs when he’s in the mood for a special breakfast.
What’s next, Road Kill Variety Snack Packs? We Americans think foreigners are weird. If we want weird, all we have to do is look in the mirror.
@Bill…
Your cousin in Acworth is obviously a man out on the leading edge of haute cuisine! As for Rose® Brand Road Kill Variety Snack Packs, maybe it’s an idea that Patrick can present when he gets in front of the Rose execs. I’m sure he’ll give you credit for it, possibly even a check for your good thinking.
(Any chance, Patrick, that the Rose execs would be interested in a line of Rose® Brand Mama Grizzly Main Meal Favorites? Just an idea. Also, maybe you should hire Christine O’Donnell for this pitch. She’s a marketing consultant. An out-of-work marketing consultant. Could be she’s just the person to present your work on behalf of Rose® Brand.)
Two heads better than one?! Absotoovely!
And three heads are better than a slew o’ pork brains.
Bill, you and Curvin have opened a whole new world of exciting new meat products (note to Kitty & Paul: Rose’s may be a great acquisition target for Modern Meats!).
Perhaps there should be a sub-brand called “Hungry Ackworth’s”– geez, this is getting exciting!
Curvin, your spokespeople ideas are brilliant!
Gentlemen, I do believe we have winning pork brains ideas on our hands!
Wash carefully…
Wash carefully…
And when you dry your hands, make sure you use the new Exelerator so we can save on paper!
Amen and touché
And if you don’t get the Rose® Brand business, you can always go after this account…
http://gizmodo.com/5686553/finally-bacon-you-can-cuddle
Interesting new business lead. Does it come in a kosher model?
Good question.
You numbnuts, going on about pork brains – real or not, mom made em’ or not. I wanna hear more about the Swedish Friggin; Bikini Team! Tits you idiots! We wanna hear the backstory…
The backstory is all there in the post. Grab a fork and have at it– like a plate of pork brains in milk gravy over rice.